Richard Quick, Esq. on FREE FOOD AT WIZNOS! Campaign
March 21, 2009 by Richard Quick · Leave a Comment
Sub franchise giant Wiznos recently launched its FREE FOOD AT WIZNOS! marketing campaign, which requires Wiznos franchisees to give all their food away for free. Sandwich industry publication The Sub Standard recently interviewed Wiznos CEO beloved Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq. about the controversial campaign.
SS: Mr. Quick, Esq., you have set the industry buzzing with the new FREE FOOD AT WIZNOS! marketing campaign. Isn’t giving away your food for free sort of… crazy?
QUICK: Crazy? Brilliant innovaters are always called crazy. They called us crazy when we pioneered the use of singing rodent-like vermin in food commercials! They called us crazy for conducting quality control French Dip field tests in the trunks of rental cars! And, yes, they called us crazy for continuing to sell hundreds of franchises in oversaturated markets and keeping the money for stores that’ll never open! Well, technically, they called the last one fraud.
SS: But how can a company make money giving away its products for free?
QUICK: Volume, my dear. Volume! Our FREE FOOD AT WIZNOS! Campaign is an important part of our new value positioning strategy. While the competition can match our signature Buy One Get Six Free promotion, they will literally have to give cash back to beat this one.
SS: How’s it working so far?
QUICK: Fantastic! Customers are lined up out the door of Wiznos stores nationwide! Not even the soup kitchen and rescue missions can compete. Our ad division is very profitable, since our advertising consists solely of bullhorns and the words “Hey! You! Want Some Free Food?!”
Our foodservice division that sells food and supplies at a mark-up to Wiznos franchisees is showing a record profit. We’ve had to double our food delivery staff and put an armed accounts receivable enforcer on every truck.
SS: About that… we’ve heard complaints from franchisees that they have to foot the bill for all the free food you’re making them give away.
QUICK: Not true! Where did you hear that? Can you provide names of these individuals? We really need the names so that we can, er, clarify them on this matter.
Actually, Wiznos corporate is reimbursing the franchisees for most of their costs by not charging a royalty on the free food that’s given away. It’s just our way of pitching in.
SS: Many Wiznos franchisees are saying that they’re going out of business, losing their homes, and ending up on the street because you continue to charge them full price for their food, but make them give it away.
QUICK: As you know, Wiznos is very proud of our work with the homeless… and I don’t simply mean helping them get their start. We’re proud to say that a free meal is now available at any Wiznos that is still operating. Many homeless former franchisees have taken shelter in our shuttered 3-2-1-0 FIT fitness centers at no charge. In addition, we continue to donate millions to underprivileged litigation law students, which we see as in investment in our future.
In these tough economic times, it’s the least we can do. And you can always count on Wiznos to do the least we can do!
“Eternal Ascent” Franchise: Real or Unreal?
February 14, 2009 by Richard Quick · Leave a Comment
Franchisees will send your dearly departed’s ashes to heaven via a red helium balloon.
WIZNOS SUB! Launches LB. O’ FLESH Value Meal Promotion
January 9, 2009 by Richard Quick · 2 Comments
WIZNOS SUB! is hoping to take a bite out of rival Quiznos Sub by offering the economically stimulating LB. O’ FLESH Value Meal.
According to WIZNOS CEO Richard Quick, Esq. “At only $3.99, the LB. O’ FLESH Value Meal provides a your choice of WIZNOS Sub with a full pound of meat. Plus, when you buy one LB. OF FLESH Value Meal, you get a 2nd one free!”
At a press conference earlier today, reporters asked how Wiznos Corporation could possibly make money selling two 1 lb. sandwiches for only $3.99.
CEO Quick explained: “It’s simple. The second lb. of flesh is extracted directly from our franchisees.”
WIZNOS SUB! is a QuickCo company, widely praised for its contributions to the homeless (helping them get their start) and the trial lawyer community.
Interested in the WIZNOS SUB! franchise opportunity? Leave a message below!
FRANWORST 500
August 5, 2008 by Richard Quick · Leave a Comment
FranWorst 500: The Best of the Worst Franchise & Distributorship Opportunities
iSTOLE It eBay auction franchise
Budget Brides Love 4 Less
Meal Assembly & Botox Kitchen Look your best. Cook your best. (TM)
Shit Creek Paddle Store Retail sales & rental franchise
Enviro-Ad Environmental product placement franchise (Formerly Mr. Litter)
Cold Stone Pizza Pizza delivery franchise
STARBUSKJ Cofe ‘N’ RoP (video) Favorite franchise of exiled president Baduchka
BELIEVE The Movie (video) Multi-level MLM Network marketing goldmine
Richard Quick’s GRATE FUN! Adventure Park
Pet Funeral Home & Crematorium
AMAZING CONES PIZZA IN A CONE Franchise!
Wang Balls Squidballs Franchise!
A-Maizing Japanese Corn Franchise!
Wisconsin’s Finest Taxidermy & Cheese Franchise
GRATE FUN! Adventure Park Franchise
MOB HITZ Hit Man Franchise
Richard Quick, Esq.’s Famous 101+ Ways to GET RICH QUICK!
1. Waffle Delivery & Repair
2. Nudes ‘N Foods Franchise
3. The FOR SALE Bologna Brown-Eggs Quilts Crafts Cheese Flowers Pernnials franchise
4. The Town Crier Franchise
5. Be a Buccaneer Butcher!
6. Clean BJs & Weiners!
7. The Mr. Bagpipe Franchise
8. Start your own Church!
9. Old Barn Wood Furniture and Crafts
10. Peculiar Medical Clinic
11. Home Pasta Delivery
12. Become a Marketing Consultant!
13. Big Money in Midgets
14. Own a BetaMax Superstore!
15. Amish Country Signs Franchise
16. Make Luggage from Tape!
17. Start a Home Casino!
18. Turn Trash into Cash!
19. Unlock Windows of Opportunity
20. The ultimate booming business
21. Fungus “R” Us Toenail Fungal abatement
22. Mona Leasing Art Rental Franchise
23. Pseudodental Repair Franchise
24. Sell Dehydrated Water
25. Open an “As Seen in Motels” discount store
26. Open a Sundae Station franchise
27. Market “Afterlife Telegrams”
28. Win International Lotteries!
29. Assist Nigerian Millionaire Widows & Orphans
30. Sell your Immortal Soul!
31. Import Gourmet Minnesota Coconuts!
31.5: REALLY OUTRAGEOUS:
32. Sell Freeze Pops With REAL Shards O’ Glass
33. Sell Trendy Male Lipstick
34. Start a Home Lasik Surgery Center
35. Start your own Pet Island!
36. Sell Child Confinement & Transport Products
37. Sell Peace of Mind
38. Sell immortality. That’s right. IMMORTALITY!
39. Sell Doggy Eyewear!
40. Become a Lip Balm Addiction Counselor
41. Buy a Mooncake, Meatfloss & CuttleFish Franchise
42. Open an Alter Ego Rehabilitation Clinic
43. Sell Snake Penis Capsules Medicine
44. San Francisco Sausage Co. & Fudge Packery
45. Open a Squat ‘n Gobble Restaurant!
46. DAPZY’s! The Dangerous Animal Petting Zoo
47. The Big Green Mystical Ball
48. Become a Happy Hooker!
49. Open a Bette Davis BBQ Joint!
50. Open a Gun Store Tattoo Parlor
51. Sell HandJobs!
52. Sell FUELISH! Top Secret Gasoline Booster!
53. Sell Gently War-Torn Real Estate!
54. Flip No-Dinar-Down Properties!
55. Sell Frozen Meats. They’re endangered!
56. Sell AutoErotic Asphyxia Accessories
57. Open a Christian Dollar Store!
58. Rent Negroes for Big $$$$$
59. Human Caviar: The Next Big Craze!
60. Buy/Sell Black Market Babies, Pandas & Tigers.
61. Provide Primate Temp Tech Workers.
62. Become a Memory Erasure Intake Counselor.
63. Help Parents Create Perfect Children.
64. Build Corpses for Fun & Profit.
65. Or Become a Corpse Reseller.
66. Open a Brain Transplant Clinic…
67. Become a Deep Discount Travel Agent!
68. Sell delicious “PISS” (It’s imported!)
69. Become a Cheezus Freak!
70. Sell Republican Clothing
71. Sell Cute Lil Fetuses
72. EZ TOYZ = EZ CASH!!!
73. Be a Cavie Costumer!
74. No-Money Down Iraqi Real Estate
75. Friendly Fire Fast Funds Franchise!
76. Sell UFO Abduction Insurance!
77. Sell Cow Pie Clocks
78. Sell Penis Birds
79. Sell Penis Clowns
80. Become a Rectal Exam Trainer!
81. Start an Anti-Currency Movement!
82. Become a Contract Killer!
83. Sell Innovative Fruit Carriers
84. Sell Yarmulkebras!(TM)
85. Rent Your Chest!
86. Sell Vulva Puppets!
87. Sell Nipple Stifflers
88. Start an Ultimate Taxi Service!
89. Become an Etch-a-Sketch Artist!
90. Sue your employer!
91. Magic Money Matrix as seen on OPRAH!
92. Shit Creek Paddle Store Franchise
93. Start a Band called Sand Dollar
94. AdVerPets NewMedia Franchise
95. Automated Bovid Dispensers Franchise
96. Start a Bumvertising Agency
97. LOOK RICH QUICK! The Franchise
98. Learn Exotic Dancing at home!
99. Sell ANALRETTES Smoking Alternative
100. Sell Inflatable Commander-in-Chiefs
101. Sell Friendly Fire Ammo… Like Snuffy!
102. Sell Lunar Advertising!
103. Sell EnviroAd Product Placement
104. Sell DIY Drunk Tests!
105. Own the Pet Funeral Home & Crematorium of Your Dreams
106. AMAZING CONES PIZZA IN A CONE Franchise!
107. Wang Balls Squidballs Franchise!
108. A-Maizing Japanese Corn Franchise!
109. Wisconsin’s Finest Taxidermy & Cheese Franchise
110. GRATE FUN! Adventure Park Franchise
111. ChineseBaby.Com
112. MOB HITZ Hit Man Franchise
113. SHIT CREEK PADDLE STORE FRANCHISE
114. Darn Good Sock Repair
115. Eternal Ascent Cremation Dispersal
116. Starbuskj Cofe & Rop Franchise
117. Joe Weiner’s Mail Order Brides Franchise
118. Wholly Crap Dog Doo Removal Franchise
119. Cheezus Industries Religious Cheese Sculpture Dist.
120. Wealth Thru Window Washing
121. Smelly Restroom Abatement Franchise
122. Hemp Sisters: Clothes You Can Smoke!
123. Start a Swinger’s Club!
124. The “No Soup for You!” Franchise
125. Jesus-Is-Lord Escort Service
126. MetroNaps Napping Pod Franchise
127. Big Money Playing with HorseBalls!
128. Start an Exotic Dancer Ministry!
129. Become a Pro Hair Stylist for $59.95
130. Get in on the Mummification Boom!
131. Get God is in Your Upline! Heavenly MLM
132. Hot Product Alert: Pork & Beanie Babies!
133. CyberTan: The World’s First Internet Tanning Salon!
134. HOT PRODUCT: Gasoline Supersoaker
135. HOT PRODUCT: Baby Grenade. Pull the pacifier & throw!
136. Big PILE O’ PIGS franchise
137. Quixtar!!! (Different from AMWAY!!!)
138. Trunk Monkey Security Systems
Why aren’t you rich yet? Check back tomorrow for more great opportunities.
iSTOLE It: Opening Windows of Opportunity
July 21, 2008 by Richard Quick · 3 Comments
iSTOLE It combines the selling power of eBay auctions with our unique, no-cost inventory acquisition system to unlock multiple window(s) of opportunity for YOU!
The power of eBay. Online auctions aren’t just for Nigerian advance fee fraud, counterfeit Gucci handbags and Virgin Mary-shaped grilled cheese sandwiches anymore! eBay’s become the premiere global pipeline for easy liquidation of valuable merchandise… such as your ex-wife’s Rolex, your neighbor’s lawnmower and that missing gold chalice from St. Anthony’s.
Low cost of goods? Try NO cost of goods. eBay drop-off store franchises like iSold It*, Snappy
Auctions and AuctionMeElmo lack a steady source of valuable merchandise. With the proprietary iSTOLE It inventory acquisition system, everyone wins! Homeowners get cash for their valuable items. Insurance companies gain customer appreciation and an excuse to raise their premiums. And YOU gain a nondescript warehouse filled with items consumers want… and want back.
Get in on the ground floor and move up! iSTOLE It is a great entry level opportunity. Many of our ISI franchisees from living in small apartments to The Big House in no time! And many who started with iSTOLE It now also own such franchises as Pruno Prison Wine and H&R Cell BLOCK.
See you on the veranda!
Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq.
For more great franchise opportunities, visit the FRANWORST 500
* iSTOLE It is not affiliated with any other company, living or dead. Resemblance to actual companies is entirely coincidental. iSTOLE It is void where prohibited by law. iSTOLE It is intended for medical and/or novelty purposes only. Suing us is strictly prohibited.
Get Rich Quick With the Wang Balls Squidballs Franchise!
February 24, 2008 by Richard Quick · 1 Comment
(FranWorst) Do you have the balls it takes to Get Rich Quick? You do now… with the Richard Quick, Esq.-endorsed Wang Balls Squidballs franchise! Be the first one in your mall foodcourt to meet the rising needs for fresh hot Squidballs, with a taste that only Wang Balls Squidballs can provide… Just like Uncle Yang from the old country used to make!
WANG BALLS SQUIDBALLS
FRANCHISE FEE P 50,000
FRANCHISE PACKAGE:
Cart
SuperKalan
Showcase Cabinet
Utensils
Initial Inventory worth P2,000
Operations Manual
Pre-Opening Assistance
FREE Training of Crew
FREE Delivery of stocks
Remember, if it doesn’t say WANG BALLS SQUIDBALLS, it’s not Wang Balls Squidballs, the official Squidballs of the Wang Balls Squidballs stand outside the gate of Shotput Row at the Beijing Olympics.
Order now and get a FREE SuperKalan with payment of your low P 50,000 Franchise Fee. Source: Metrofoodcart
Be a Trunk Monkey Security System Distributor!
February 24, 2007 by Richard Quick · 1 Comment
Americans spend more on their cars than on their own children… and rightly so. And they’ll spare no expense to keep their valued automobiles safe. Now you can GET RICH QUICK! selling aftermarket Trunk Monkey Security Systems to car owners in your area.
