franchising Archive

American consumers love pizza.  They love a bargain.  And they love to see people worse off than themselves.

Now, QuickCo Franchising has combined America’s passion for pizza, low prices and the misfortune of others into one exciting concept:  Cold Stone Pizza!

If you’re looking for a lucrative way to combine your love of money with your disregard for your fellow man, the Cold Stone Pizza franchise is the opportunity you’ve been looking for!

A flash of inspiration from Earth’s #1 millionaire-maker

What inspired this genius idea?  America’s beloved millionaire Richard Quick, Esq. says “I was reading the moronic website Franchise Pick.  There was a big uproar about some Pizza Time franchisee who makes his pizza shop employees work in sub-freezing temperatures without heat.  I thought:  What’s the big deal?  None of these altruists were offering to pay an extra buck a pizza to heat the pizza peons. I thought:  If these phonies thought they’d save 50 cents, they’d make’m work without lights, too.”

“Then the light bulb clicked on.  Eureka! Another Multimillion dollar idea! ”

A Proven Concept Tested & Refined for Days

Millionaire Quick, Esq. immediately assembled his top development team to create a lowest-cost, lowest-overhead pizza delivery franchise.  They eliminated the unnecessary frills of their bloated competitors, including heat, employee bonuses, incentives and fair pay, fire extinguishers, smoke detectors, toilet paper, latex gloves, hand sanitizer, and the use of motorized vehicles.  Profit sharing was replaced by expense sharing, with food and supply purchases charged to employee’s personal credit cards.

The Cold Stone Pizza HR team developed innovative ways to recruit low-cost, abuse-tolerant employees, including DUI recipients,  Megan’s Law honorees, illegal aliens, and former franchise brokers.

The first franchise, sold to Milton Deebler before the name was finalized, was an immediate hit.  Says Quick:  “We were amazed.  Usually the first 50 or so new franchises tank until we figure out what we’re doing, but this was actually successful.  Go figure.  After several days of trial and error, we sold our first 100 store Master Franchise.”

We abuse our employees & pass the savings on to you!

Doesn’t the public care about employee welfare?  Explains Quick:  “Sure they do.  Until they see our 2 Large Pizzas For $4.99 Special.  That’s delivered, with choice of two toppings.  The Chinese can’t offer pizzas at those prices.”

“I’m a motivator,” says motivator Richard Quick, Esq. “I teach our employees that there are two kinds of people in this world:  The abusers and the abused.  Work hard, and you’ll get your shot.  After working at Cold Stone Pizza, our employees become highly motivated to achieve more with their lives… like becoming Cold Stone Pizza franchise owners.  Or prison guards.”

Do you have what it takes to succeed with the Cold Stone Pizza franchise?

For more franchise information, email RichardQuickEsq.[at]yahoo.com.

[DISCLAIMER: This is a parody site. Cold Stone Pizza is fictional and in no way related to actual companies, including Cold Stone Creamery, or WWF wrestlers, including Stone Cold Steve Austin. For info on REAL franchise opportunities, visit FranBest.com, Franchise Pick, or Top New Franchises.]