KFC Puts Ad on the Moon!

By
Richard Quick
– November 19, 2006Posted in: ALL

Moon-Shot.gifKFC CREATES FIRST ADVERTISEMENT IN SPACE;

BEAMS 60 MILLION SQ. FOOT CONTEMPORIZED COLONEL SANDERS LOGO ONTO MOON’S COPERNICUS CRATER

KFC names EnviroAd as Space Advertising Agency-of-Record after admitting its Area 51 “Face from Space” promotion was “ill-conceived and moronic.”

[PICTURED: KFC's "contemporized" Colonel Sanders image being continuously projected onto the moon. Photo credit: EnviroAd]                        

CRATER COPERNICUS, THE MOON – Less than one week after KFC Corp. attempted to launch it’s global reimage campaign by creating the “World’s First Brand Visible From Space” by erecting an 87,500 square-foot likeness of Colonel Sanders in the Arizona Desert, KFC Corp. President Gregg Dedrick declared the campaign a huge and embarrassing mistake, and launched a bolder, more focused space-based advertising initiative in its place.
At an emergency press conference held at KFC’s Terrestrial Headquarters in Louisville, KY (which was beamed via video feed to the moon and back for dramatic effect) Dedrick admitted to having had attended the ad agency’s creative presentation while under the influence of at least 6 of the Colonel’s 11 secret herbs.Speaking to a packed room, Dedrick was forthright and contrite, accepting full responsibility for a campaign he characterized as both “ill-conceived” and “moronic.” Said Dedrick: “I have no recollection of doing so, but I understand that I approved a plan to construct an 87,500 square-foot replica of Colonel Sanders’ ‘contemporized’ face in the Area 51 desert, and they actually did it!”
Dedrick recounted awaking from a spice-induced haze and reading through the PR campaign plan titled KFC Creates World’s First Brand Visible from Space. “When I read the part of the release where I was quoted as saying ‘If there are extraterrestrials in outer space, KFC wants to be their restaurant of choice,’ suicidal thoughts overcame me. Luckily, my friend and mentor Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq. answered my call on the first ring.”
That call may have saved Gregg Dedrick’s life… and certainly his career. Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq., perhaps the world’s most brilliant marketing mind, happened to be friend and mentor to KFC’s Dedrick. Quick calmed Dedrick, and pledged his help as long as Dedrick would seek professional help once the crisis was averted. Dedrick agreed.
Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq.’s assessment was that KFC’s advertising agency had the right idea, but just had it backwards. According to Quick, “It was as if they had their heads where their derrieres are supposed to be, and vice versa. They broke one of the fundamental rules of advertising: Place your promotional message where it will be visible to at least some of Earth’s inhabitants.”
Luckily, the development team at Quick’s Quick Research Group was fine-tuning the moongrid2501.gifprototype of the world’s most powerful laser projection device. Millionaire Quick expedited the testing, and within 48 hours beamed the “contemporized” face of Colonel Sanders onto the moon. The Colonel’s loveable mug now spans the 60 mile wide Copernicus Crater, covering 1.4 billion square feet, and is visible to the entire population of Earth, making him the first fast food legend on the moon.

[PICTURED RIGHT: EnviroAd is selling the exclusive lunar advertising territory sponsorships shown on the grid. KFC's location is highlighted.]

KFC’s Out-of-This-World Value Meal an instant success!
Quick Promotion Group further saved Dedrick’s career from the rotisserie by devising and launching an instantly successful tie-in promo: the KFC Out-of-This-World Value Meal, which comes with 8 pieces of Original Recipe or Extra Crispy Chicken, 2 Homestyle Side items, 4 buttermilk biscuits, and a QuickCo QuickView Portable Telescope, featuring a 150mm-diameter, 1200mm focal length parabolic primary mirror, a 1.25″ aluminum focuser and a navigation knob for easy slewing, plus a finder scope and two Sirius Plössl eyepieces. The KFC Out-of-This-World Value Meal is value-priced at only $199.99. Customers can Colonel-size it for an additional 39 cents and receive an eyepiece rack, quick-collimation cap, and hard dust cap featuring the Colonel’s “contemporized” likeness.

In light of rocketing same-store sales and the media coverage of the EnviroAd Lun.E promotion, the KFC board has pledged its support for President Gregg Dedrick. The historic and often emotional press conference concluded with President Dedrick’s final words: “Thank you, Richard Quick, Esq…. And God bless EnviroAd!”

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