About Author: Richard Quick

Sub franchise giant Wiznos recently launched its FREE FOOD AT WIZNOS! marketing campaign, which requires Wiznos franchisees to give all their food away for free. Sandwich industry publication The Sub Standard recently interviewed Wiznos CEO beloved Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq. about the controversial campaign.

SS: Mr. Quick, Esq., you have set the industry buzzing with the new FREE FOOD AT WIZNOS! marketing campaign. Isn’t giving away your food for free sort of… crazy?

QUICK: Crazy? Brilliant innovaters are always called crazy. They called us crazy when we pioneered the use of singing rodent-like vermin in food commercials! They called us crazy for conducting quality control French Dip field tests in the trunks of rental cars! And, yes, they called us crazy for continuing to sell hundreds of franchises in oversaturated markets and keeping the money for stores that’ll never open! Well, technically, they called the last one fraud.

SS: But how can a company make money giving away its products for free?

QUICK: Volume, my dear. Volume! Our FREE FOOD AT WIZNOS! Campaign is an important part of our new value positioning strategy. While the competition can match our signature Buy One Get Six Free promotion, they will literally have to give cash back to beat this one.

SS: How’s it working so far?

QUICK: Fantastic!  Customers are lined up out the door of Wiznos stores nationwide! Not even the soup kitchen and rescue missions can compete. Our ad division is very profitable, since our advertising consists solely of bullhorns and the words “Hey! You!  Want Some Free Food?!”

Our foodservice division that sells food and supplies at a mark-up to Wiznos franchisees is showing a record profit. We’ve had to double our food delivery staff and put an armed accounts receivable enforcer on every truck.

SS: About that… we’ve heard complaints from franchisees that they have to foot the bill for all the free food you’re making them give away.

QUICK: Not true! Where did you hear that? Can you provide names of these individuals? We really need the names so that we can, er, clarify them on this matter.

Actually, Wiznos corporate is reimbursing the franchisees for most of their costs by not charging a royalty on the free food that’s given away. It’s just our way of pitching in.

SS: Many Wiznos franchisees are saying that they’re going out of business, losing their homes, and ending up on the street because you continue to charge them full price for their food, but make them give it away.

QUICK: As you know, Wiznos is very proud of our work with the homeless… and I don’t simply mean helping them get their start. We’re proud to say that a free meal is now available at any Wiznos that is still operating.  Many homeless former franchisees have taken shelter in our shuttered 3-2-1-0 FIT fitness centers at no charge.  In addition, we continue to donate millions to underprivileged litigation law students, which we see as in investment in our future.

In these tough economic times, it’s the least we can do. And you can always count on Wiznos to do the least we can do!