PRODUCTIVITY TIPS: Fire All Your Farking Losers
January 9, 2009 by Richard Quick
Fark.com is a great tool for detecting the time-wasting losers on your staff.
Fark.com website actually makes stupid employees more stupid with every work-minute it wastes. The Fark community itself is a sea of morons clamoring for approval of other morons. Some spend countless hours searching for and submitting vapid stories with inane descriptions they hope will earn them status as Idols to their fellow idiot worshippers.
I’ve recently fired three employees for having Fark.com show up in their browser history. Even as Security was escorting them out the door, each was adamant that Fark.com is clever, topical and witty… just like them.
My response: I’m sure they’ll be impressed at your next job interview, loser. Now get the Fark off my property.
Did you get banned or something? Opinions are like assholes – we all have them, but in the 6 years that I’ve been a member of the fark community, I’ve received assistance and have gained knowledge with regards to all sorts of things. If anything, I’ve LEARNED stuff from fark and the members of the community. I’ve also made some pretty good friends through the website, as well. Maybe it’s because I fork out $5 to be on Totalfark, but your comments are rather misplaced.
Theresa wrote Opinions are like assholes – we all have them
Fark fans are like assholes, too. In fact, they ARE assholes. Theresa’s eloquent use of language and obvious lack of intellect indicates that she is one, too.
…but in the 6 years that I’ve been a member of the fark community, I’ve received assistance and have gained knowledge with regards to all sorts of things.
The fact that Theresa mistakes adolescent snickering at photoshopped images of squirrels with big balls for “gaining knowledge” shows the depths to which the American workforce has sunk. We now have the laziest, stupidest workforce of civilized nations, and the laziest and stupidest among us, like Theresa here, waste their employer-bought time on moronic sites like Fark.
Her smug attitude is typical of the farking idiots. For 6 years she has cavorted with the fellow time-wasting imbeciles of the Fark “community,” who all congratulate each other for their cleverness while getting paid by and using the equipment of a string of now-destitute employers they helped put into bankruptcy.
I would like to see this “manager” be flogged for every off-topic thought or impulse they have ever had, or ever will have on the job. Never mind the countless studies that point toward “short breaks” actually increasing creativity and productivity. I’m sure this ignorant dictator (who gets their rocks off on firing people and lording whatever modicum of “preciousss powerrrr” they might have in the workplace over their “disgusting underlings”) takes certain liberties at their job that would be fireable offenses should their twisted code of conduct be applied to them, personally.
I’m sure this waste of salary who considers themselves to be so far above the “great unwashed masses” doesn’t have a sense of humor at all, they only find abject humiliation and horrendous abuse (of the water-boarding sort) funny.
Exactly. Fark sucks more than your mom at a clown convention.
Oh, you didn’t know your mom had a clown fetish?
Go fark yourself.
You will get over it.
As they say on banniNation.com
Thats what most of us got when Fark went to shit, we called them on it, got booted from and ended up on bannination. You want some place to hang out where there ARE NO MODS (aside from the other users, it’s community moderated).. join banniNation.com. Enjoy!
It’s true!. Oh god, it’s all true!
/but, the money is nice
Farkers may be dumbshits, but only the moderators are petty tyrants. I’m glad you came up with an excuse to fire people that made it their fault instead of mismanagement and a shit economy.
I go to bannination .com. It’s also a time waster, but at least its not full of faggotry.
Nick Cincinat writes: I would like to see this “manager” be flogged for every off-topic thought or impulse they have ever had… I’m sure this ignorant dictator (who gets their rocks… they might have in the workplace over their “disgusting underlings”) takes certain liberties at their job that would be fireable offenses should their twisted code of conduct be applied to them, personally.
I’m sure this waste of salary who considers themselves to be so far above the “great unwashed masses” doesn’t have a sense of humor at all, they only find abject humiliation and horrendous abuse (of the water-boarding sort) funny.
Nick, let me suggest you take a couple of hours off from snickering at big-balled squirrels and fart jokes on Fark and revisit the concept of “subject-verb agreement.” Maybe Uncle Dad skipped over learning you gramer when homeschooling you in Boof Holler, TN.
Like most of the farking time-wasting losers of Fark, you are an embarrassment to whatever junior college you flunked out of. What’s most pathetic (and humorous) is that you sorry losers actually think that you sound intelligent and intellectual. Your inability to write a grammatically correct sentence is an offense to the American educational system and an affront to the taxpayers who spent their hard-earned money trying, in vain, to keep you from becoming the illiterate useless moron you obviously have become.
Nick should be flogged themself for their crimes against the English language. But thank you, Nick, for proving my point about the farking timewasting losers on Fark.
a guy on I’m glad you came up with an excuse to fire people that made it their fault instead of mismanagement and a shit economy.
Shit economy? I’ve been making record profits from the start of the war.
Why? Because I don’t hire lazy, ignorant dumbshits like you and Nick Cincinnat above who disregard the vast educational and capitalistic opportunities before you in favor of jack each other off on the Internet and blaming the economy for your inability to make the payments on your double-wide.
Agburanar wrote Exactly. Fark sucks more than your mom at a clown convention. Oh, you didn’t know your mom had a clown fetish?
In the Farkers world, this is what passes for clever. Sidesplitting perhaps. Let’s hope Agburanar is 12 years old. Sadly, it’s more likely he’s 38 in a cubicle somewhere.
your mom wrote Go fark yourself.
See above
TwitchOSX wrote Fark went to shit, we called them on it, got booted from and ended up on bannination.
You actually got kicked off Fark? And you admit it? Publicly?
jizzcock the sperminator I go to bannination .com. It’s also a time waster, but at least its not full of faggotry.
Present company excluded?
Drew Curtis writes It’s true!. Oh god, it’s all true! /but, the money is nice
Yeah, I’m sure being the idol of idiot worshippers pays big bucks. Even more than you got at Wal Mart
Richard quick wrote:
Wow, you must really be incensed at what I said, because I exposed you for what you really are (condensed: a sick, petty tyrant with a defective sense of humor).
I could jump all over YOUR grammatical or spelling mistakes (hmmm, hyphenating time-wasting in one sentence, and just pasting the words together in another sentence in the same comment, not to mention how you can’t even see fit to spell my NAME properly when replying to a_guy), but this is the internet, a certain amount of leniency is applied to these sorts of things.
One last thing. I don’t even visit Fark.com, so your accusations and name calling make you look foolish, where my observations on YOUR character seem to be spot-on.
Nick Cincinnati:
Your response exhibits tenacity – good for you! You have more potential than I thought! I will let you know when we have an opening for someone to muck stalls in my stables.
I occurs to me that you are another defective product of an inadequate public school education and probably a broken family, so I will try to be more positive and constructive.
First, your correct criticism of my comment SHOULD have been that your major grammatical inadequacy was not, as I contended, subject-verb agreement but, in fact, pronoun-antecedent agreement. That would have shown that you actually looked up and learned about your major grammatical shortcomings (which I was kind enough to point out).
You see, dear Nick, a pronoun must agree in person, number and gender to the word to which it refers (the antecedent). In your painfully contorted sentence “I would like to see this “manager” be flogged for every off-topic thought or impulse they have ever had…” you incorrectly refer to the antecedent “manager” (which is 3rd person singular) with the pronoun “they,” which is 3rd person plural.
Can you tell me which pronoun you should have used?
If you said “he” you are correct!
Likewise, “this ignorant dictator (who gets their rocks off…” should read “gets his rocks off, and “…this waste of salary who considers themselves…” should read “…this waste of salary who considers himself…”
Are you with me Nick Cincinad? Good chap!
As I am feeling magnanimous this morning I shall address some of your other “points”:
> No, I don’t find waterboarding humorous, but it is a necessary and effective human resources practice that has been instrumental in increasing efficiency and productivity in several of my production plants.
> I look foolish? I am wealthy, Nick. That’s all that matters. Even people who think I’m a fool kiss my ass.
> You wrote “One last thing. I don’t even visit Fark.com…” The fact that you passionately advanced an opinion about a subject you know nothing about and a site you don’t visit speaks volumes not only about you intellect, but about your propensity for wasting time… both yours and others’
You should definitely visit Fark.com, Nick. You’ll fit right in!
Such an opinionated little blogger. I can’t wait until this decade is over and you all scurry back to where you came from.
a guy wrote: Such an opinionated little blogger. I can’t wait until this decade is over and you all scurry back to where you came from.
Yes, a guy, when the Mothership returns at decade’s end as the oracle foretold, the Blogger horde will be vanquished and you will regain your rightful place as ruler and demigod. But for now, tighten your tinfoil beanie and take your meds. It’s almost time for juice!
I fired a Fark user in my shipping department this morning for having visited that moronic site on company time and, to be honest, I thoroughly enjoyed it.
I had him escorted to his (ironically) Ford Escort by Security and timed it so his co-workers would be on break, outside smoking in the parking lot. He carried his belongings in a cardboard file box, the cost of which will be deducted from his final paycheck.
As he was fired for cause (stealing company time), he will not be eligible for Unemployment. I made sure all his co-workers knew both the circumstances and the ramifications.
Those who think this is cruel are the same people who think that we’re in a recession for no reason. It must be that the Great God of Commerce is in a bad mood, or those bad billionaires did something you don’t understand and people are talking about it with big words so you turn the channel back to “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?” (The answer: No).
Let me tell you why the economy is in the toilet: YOU.
The American workforce has unparalleled access to education and opportunity, but you are the fattest, laziest and most ignorant group of slackers we’ve ever known. Fark fans wear their mediocrity and lack of discipline like a badge of honor. Their unearned arrogance & sense of self-entitlement is unmatched in history, rivalled only by the Roman Empire before the fall. They think mimicing fart jokes they saw on TV makes them clever.
People like Drew Curtis cheer them on and encourage their group moronism so he can squeeze a few paltry dollars from those who advertise to morons. Meanwhile, the economy tanks and the morons sit around Starbucks complaining that they can’t find a job.
I’m cruel? I give you the opportunity to earn an honest day’s pay… I offer training, guidance and unlimited opportunity for advancement… I stand before my employees as a role model, a self-made millionaire who exemplifies what you can achieve if you properly apply your talents.
If you’d rather sabotage my company by pursuing comfortable mediocrity rather than straining for greatness, I’ve got a cardboard file box with your name on it..
*sigh*
I used gender-neutral pronouns because this is the internet and there is absolutely no proof that you are any sort of a man at all, nor is there any proof you are a woman either. You’ve got twitter follower numbers inordinately boosted by spam bots and zombie/fake accounts. You’re only dangerous in the marginal chance that you find someone dumber than yourself reading your work and taking your “satirical” writings as truth.
I, for one, am taking the ball and going home, you’re not worth the effort.
Nick Cincinads wrote I, for one, am taking the ball and going home
There’s a big surprise. A Farker not willing to engage in frank and challenging dialogue? That’s a shocker.
These guys focus on anything but substance. Am I man or woman? Are my thousands of followers real? Anything to avoid the real issues and the uncomfortable points that challenge today’s slacker, do-nothing mindset of people who think they’re too special to put in a hard day’s work.
For the Fark generation, not much is worth any effort at all. Be glib. Obvious. Sarcastic. Go for the easy gag. Ridicule those who take their jobs – or anything- seriously. Revel in mediocrity. Go for the easy laugh. Parrot real comedians – SNL, John Stewart even idiots like Stephen Colbert – And pretend that that makes you funny.
Take your ball? Sorry, Nick. You have no balls to take home.
Nick criticizes me for my 1500+ followers (not that I care.
Nick had 23 followers on Twitter.
He now has 24.
I do have some compassion.
Please give him a pity follow at http://twitter.com/SexCpotatoes.
Wow. I understand you don’t want your people wasting company time, but your unrestrained arrogance has to fall into some type of personality or psychological disorder.
If you really are this toxic in the real world, then I feel sorry for you. You must be one lonely bastard. I would not be surprised if you develop heart problems from your anger.