Q&A With Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq.

Q&A with Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq.

Q. Mr. Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq., what will I actually DO as a FRANWORST franchisee?

A. Please, call me Millionaire.

Q. Mr. Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq., what will I actually DO as a FRANWORST franchisee?

A. Please, call me Millionaire. To be direct, you will succeed. You will find the little ember of potential that has remained hidden so deep and out of sight for so long that many doubt it even exists. Through the wind of opportunity generated by the entrepreneurial fan of our franchise program, that ember will glow, and brighten and flare and soon will be a raging bonfire of success that will be blinding to all those around you!

Q. Wow! That’s wonderful! But I meant, what, specifically, is the business I will be in. What kind of work will I do? How will I make money?

A. Good questions, all. Unfortunately, Federal franchise laws prohibit us from disclosing any information that would enable you to make an informed decision. However, once you have signed our binding franchise agreement and your check has cleared, all will be revealed.

Q. I understand that at our first face-to-face meeting you must give us our legal agreements to review, and that the law says we can’t sign the agreement for ten business days after that.

A. You’re partially right. How it works is that we send you the legal documents ten days before we meet, and you send us a signed receipt. The documents will be in an envelope that you must keep sealed. No peeking! We then open the envelope at our meeting and you can sign up on the spot.

Q. Why is there a ten-day waiting period?

A. In the early days of franchising, there were some dishonest people who are now dead. It seems that some unscrupulous buyers tricked unsuspecting franchise salesmen into letting them sign up without giving the salespeople time to mull it over. The ten days gives the salesperson some time to consider whether the buyer is worthy.

Q. I’m sending Consuela to the store. Do you need anything?

A. We’re running low on bourbon. And scotch.

Q. My Uncle Elgar says that we should research your company thoroughly and interview all your franchisees. Uncle Elgar was a successful businessman in the Old Country and seems to know about these things.

A. What your Uncle Elgar doesn’t understand is that impulsive, ill-conceived ideas and rash actions are what made America great. Next time your uncle butts into your business, say: “Hey, Uncle Elgar. This ain’t the Old Country.”

Q. But Uncle Elgar says…

A. But Uncle Elgar says… Listen, we know all about your Uncle Elgar. He’s a communist and has been linked to several terrorist groups. He’s under surveillance by the government right now. If you follow his advice, they’ll figure you must be a terrorist too.

Q. The FRANWORST franchise opportunity sounds too good to be true! Am I dreaming?

A. Opportunities too good to be true don’t come along that often, but I’m proud to say, yes, the FRANWORST franchise opportunity IS too good to be true! That’s why we’re the hottest new trend that’s sweeping the country!

Q. Will the FRANWORST franchise program make me rich beyond my wildest dreams?

A. How wild are your dreams?

Q. A little bird told me that you’re developing a line of FRANWORST Flash-in-the-Pan themed clothing, including a hat shaped like a frying pan that emits real flames.

A. Damn those little birds. I thought we had poisoned them. Yes, we are testing a confidential prototype called the Pan-A-Ma Hat™ that could be another profit center for you. Tests will resume once our R&D Director’s condition is upgraded to “stable.”

Q. Do you really expect me to believe that because it’s a franchise, I’m going to be successful?

A. Yes.

Q. OK

Q. Can the FRANWORST franchise program really make me a multi-millionaire?

A. What can I say? It worked for me!