God Doesn’t Make - Or Like - Losers!

Does a desire to be your own boss burn inside you with the intensity of a urinary tract infection?

Does it burn you up to see your old high school classmates starting exciting high-risk ventures while you’re suffocating in the stifling world of bi-weekly paychecks, paid vacations, comprehensive health benefits and profit-sharing?

Well maybe it’s time you stopped your pathetic whining and jumped out of fire of discontent and into the frying pan of business ownership… through one of our FRANWORST Franchise Programs!

You’ll be part of the hot new trend: FRANWORST franchises are ground-floor opportunities that put you on the cutting edge of a revolutionary new trend and enables you to harness the most sophisticated emerging technology to meet the needs of today’s time-starved and cash-rich consumers.

You can be part of the hot new trend… from home! There’s no need to rent expensive office space to be part of the hot new trend. FRANWORST home-based franchises let you enjoy your business weekdays and weekends, day and night, even through suppertime. And because many FRANWORST franchises are home-based, your family will be part of the hot new trend as well!

You can tell your boss: “Bite me. I’m part of the hot new trend.” Mother said, “Never burn your bridges.” That’s because Mother was never part of the hot new trend. She never felt the satisfaction and unfettered glee that total bridge-burning brings. But you can.

Tell the neighbors: “I’m part of the hot new trend and you’re not.” When the neighbors see the new BMW in your driveway and the new Grecian Marbelite fountain and Koi pond you just installed, they’ll be buzzing: “Didn’t you hear? She’s part of the hot new trend!”

Best yet: Your friends won’t be part of the hot new trend: The same cellphone-toting, online shopping smarty-pants’s who looked down on you for using AOL for email and BLOGGER for your recipe blog will be sucking up big-time when you’re part of the hot new trend. Can we be part of the hot new trend too? they’ll plead. And you can say, No, sorry, it’s too exclusive. Or, better yet, you can sell them a franchise and collect a nice fat commission at their expense!

PEOPLE LIE BUT NUMBERS DON’T!

Consider this: industry demand for the goods and services you’ll sell as a FRANWORST franchise owner reached a record $2 zillion last quarter, and were growing at a brisk rate of 624% Industry experts agree that sales will break one bazillion, no, two bazillion by next month and some believe sales could top ten gazillion shortly after that¹.

¹ Source: industry experts

All trends indicate you should give us your money.
If you’re shopping for the hottest opportunity, don’t be fooled by so-called “hot new concepts,” or even “really hot new concepts.” FRANWORST franchises, providing genuine “hottest new concepts,” provide an average of 56% more growth potential than “hot new concepts,” and 33% more opportunity than “really hot new concepts.” In fact, if you join our franchise family by the end of this month, you’ll receive a free “hottest new trend” welcome kit that includes an additional 10% of opportunity and a colorful foam frisbee emblazoned with the FRANWORST logo.

If it says “Franchise,” your success is assured.

Franchising. The U.S. Department of Commerce called it “The Wave of the Future.”¹ Franchising now accounts for $20 gazillion annually. By the year 2121, it is estimated that over 99c of every retail dollar will be spent in a franchised establishment. According to the International Franchise Association, the average single family dwelling will contain 3 full franchise units and 1 Starbucks kiosk by 2122. People of Earth: Resistance is futile.

Why do franchises have a better than 100% success rate while independent business start-ups end in financial ruin, despair and bloodletting after only 20 minutes? ² We’re not sure, but some guy used these statistics in an ad in 1978 and attributed them to the Department of Commerce, so we all quote him.

1 In accordance with a court order, the full context of the Department of Commerce quote is hereby disclosed: “…Franchising is The Wave of The Future, washing over an inane populace who gurgle and choke on their own self-deception like so much seawater…”

² Source: Some guy’s ad, 1978.