(FranWorst.com) by Richard Quick, Esq. How was it that Rolling Rock decided to throw away their advertising budget and what little of their reputation might have existed on attempting – and failing – a supposedly outrageous ad stunt – putting an ad on the moon – without even knowing it had already been done?
Easy. They used the same powerful instinct that led them to neglect inviting Environmental Advertising powerhouse Enviro-Ad to be their agency of record. The decisive moment, I’m sure, involved a boardroom meeting and some drunk hillbilly executive that just rolled out of the hills to say: I know! Let’s find us an advertising agency just as piss-poor as our beer! Then let’s go with whatever piss-poor idea those Goodby Silverstein morons come up with!
And that’s what they did. And failed at doing what we ALREADY DID SUCCESSFULLY for KFC, a real company that knows how to hire a REAL advertising agency.
Idiots.
HOW KFC BECAME THE FIRST BRAND ADVERTISED ON THE MOON
“What good is the moon?” the great Ivan Boesky once asked Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq. over a fine cognac, “If you can’t buy it or sell it?”
“Some day, Ivan, I will,” replied Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq. “Cheers!”
And thus the seed was sown for another great advertising innovation by QuickCo: EnviroAd Lun.E.
In 2006, while the EnviroAd Lun.E program was in final testing, Richard Quick, Esq. received a desperate call from his friend and sometimes caddy KFC President Greg Dedrick. Dedrick was distraught over KFC’s botched attempt at a creative reintroduction of its redesigned, “contemporized” logo. Dedrick explained that he had foolishly attended an ad agency creative presentation while under the influence of 6 of the Colonel’s 11 secret herbs.
“I guess I approved a plan to construct an 87,500 square-foot replica of Colonel Sanders’ ‘contemporized’ face in the Area 51 desert,” Dedrick sobbed. “And these morons actually did it! They launched a whole PR campaign titled ‘KFC Creates World’s First Brand Visible from Space.’”
“Greg, I warned you about those herbs & spices.”
“There are satellite photos, Richard! I’m quoted in the release as saying ‘If there are extraterrestrials in outer space, KFC wants to be their restaurant of choice.’! The board and the franchisees will skewer and roast me rotisserie-style. My career is over. You’ve got to help me.”
To help his friend and secure his caddying services for life, Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq. rushed the final testing of his EnviroAd Lun.E program and launched the first extraterrestrial advertisement, making KFC the first brand advertised on the moon.
Recounts Quick: “KFC’s agency had the right idea, just backwards. It was as if they had their heads where their derrieres are supposed to be, and vice versa. They broke one of the chief rules of advertising: Place your promotional message where it will be visible to at least some of Earth’s inhabitants.”
Working around the clock, the team at Quick Research Group fine-tuned the world’s
most powerful laser projection device, and beamed the “contemporized” face of Colonel Sanders onto the moon. The Colonel’s loveable mug now spans the 60 mile wide Copernicus Crater, covering 1.4 billion square feet, and is visible to the entire population of Earth.
KFC Out-of-This-World Value Meal a huge success!
Quick Promotion Group devised and launched a wildly successful tie-in promo: the KFC Out-of-This-World Value Meal, which comes with 8 pieces of Original Recipe or Extra Crispy Chicken, 2 Homestyle Side items, 4 buttermilk biscuits, and a QuickCo QuickView Portable Telescope, featuring a 150mm-diameter, 1200mm focal length parabolic primary mirror, a 1.25″ aluminum focuser and a navigation knob for easy slewing, plus a finder scope and two Sirius Plössl eyepieces. The KFC Out-of-This-World Value Meal is value-priced at only $199.99. Customers can Colonel-size it for an additional 39 cents and receive an eyepiece rack, quick-collimation cap, and hard dust cap featuring the Colonel’s “contemporized” likeness.
Click here to learn how EnviroAd Lun.E can make YOUR brand history, too.
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(FranWorst.com – Worst Franchises Anywhere) Beloved Millionaire and Philandererthropist Richard Quick, Esq. announced the first of four or five or so designations of FranWorst.Com Fair Franchising Seals: 