Archive for December, 2006

101+ Ways to Get Rich Quick!… GUARANTEED!

– December 31, 2006Posted in: ALL

1. Waffle Delivery & Repair
2. Nudes ‘N Foods Franchise
3. The FOR SALE Bologna Brown-Eggs Quilts Crafts Cheese Flowers Pernnials franchise
4. The Town Crier Franchise
5. Be a Buccaneer Butcher!
6. Clean BJs & Weiners!
7. The Mr. Bagpipe Franchise
8. Start your own Church!
9. Old Barn Wood Furniture and Crafts
10. Peculiar Medical Clinic
11. Home Pasta Delivery
12. Become a Marketing Consultant!
13. Big Money in Midgets
14. Own a BetaMax Superstore!
15. Amish Country Signs Franchise
16. Make Luggage from Tape!
17. Start a Home Casino!
18. Turn Trash into Cash!
19. Unlock Windows of Opportunity
20. The ultimate booming business
21. Fungus “R” Us Toenail Fungal abatement
22. Mona Leasing Art Rental Franchise
23. Pseudodental Repair Franchise
24. Sell Dehydrated Water
25. Open an “As Seen in Motels” discount store
26. Open a Sundae Station franchise
27. Market “Afterlife Telegrams”
28. Win International Lotteries!
29. Assist Nigerian Millionaire Widows & Orphans
30. Sell your Immortal Soul!
31. Import Gourmet Minnesota Coconuts!
32. Sell Freeze Pops With REAL Shards O’ Glass
33. Sell Trendy Male Lipstick
34. Start a Home Lasik Surgery Center
35. Start your own Pet Island!
36. Sell Child Confinement & Transport Products
37. Sell Peace of Mind
38. Sell immortality. That’s right. IMMORTALITY!
39. Sell Doggy Eyewear!
40. Become a Lip Balm Addiction Counselor
41. Buy a Mooncake, Meatfloss & CuttleFish Franchise
42. Open a Simpson Alter Ego Rehabilitation Clinic
43. Sell Snake Penis Capsules Medicine
44. San Francisco Sausage Co. & Fudge Packery
45. Open a Squat ‘n Gobble Restaurant!
46. DAPZY’s! The Dangerous Animal Petting Zoo
47. The Big Green Mystical Ball
48. Become a Happy Hooker!
49. Open a Bette Davis BBQ Joint!
50. Open a Gun Store Tattoo Parlor
51. Sell HandJobs!
52. Sell FUELISH! Top Secret Gasoline Booster!
53. Sell Gently War-Torn Real Estate!
54. Flip No-Dinar-Down Properties!
55. Sell Frozen Meats. They’re endangered!
56. Sell AutoErotic Asphyxia Accessories
57. Open a Christian Dollar Store!
58. Rent Negroes for Big $$$$$
59. Human Caviar: The Next Big Craze!
60. Buy/Sell Black Market Babies, Pandas & Tigers.
61. Provide Primate Temp Tech Workers.
62. Become a Memory Erasure Intake Counselor.
63. Help Parents Create Perfect Children.
64. Build Corpses for Fun & Profit.
65. Or Become a Corpse Reseller.
66. Open a Brain Transplant Clinic…
67. Become a Deep Discount Travel Agent!
68. Sell delicious “PISS” (It’s imported!)
69. Become a Cheezus Freak!
70. Sell Republican Clothing
71. Sell Cute Lil Fetuses
72. EZ TOYZ = EZ CASH!!!
73. Be a Cavie Costumer!
74. No-Money Down Iraqi Real Estate
75. Friendly Fire Fast Funds Franchise!
76. Sell UFO Abduction Insurance!
77. Sell Cow Pie Clocks
78. Sell Penis Birds
79. Sell Penis Clowns
80. Become a Rectal Exam Trainer!
81. Start an Anti-Currency Movement!
82. Become a Contract Killer!
83. Sell Innovative Fruit Carriers
84. Sell Yarmulkebras!(TM)
85. Rent Your Chest!
86. Sell Vulva Puppets!
87. Sell Nipple Stifflers
88. Start an Ultimate Taxi Service!
89. Become an Etch-a-Sketch Artist!
90. Sue your employer!
91. Magic Money Matrix as seen on OPRAH!
92. Shit Creek Paddle Store Franchise
93. Start a Band called Sand Dollar
94. AdVerPets NewMedia Franchise
95. Automated Bovid Dispensers Franchise
96. Start a Bumvertising Agency
97. LOOK RICH QUICK! The Franchise
98. Learn Exotic Dancing at home!
99. Sell ANALRETTES Smoking Alternative
100. Sell Inflatable Commander-in-Chiefs
101. Sell Friendly Fire Ammo… Like Snuffy!
102. Sell Lunar Advertising!
103. Sell EnviroAd Product Placement
104. Sell DIY Drunk Tests!

If you don’t COMMENT, you don’t COUNT.

Nominations sought for the FranWorst 500

Richard Quick

– December 28, 2006Posted in: FRANWORST FRANCHISE 500

Franworst is seeking nominations for our annual ranking of the 500 “Best of the Worst” franchise and business opportunities. The FranWorst 500 team of undocumented workers will sort, analyze and apply each opportunity to a sophisticated matrix of ranking criteria, including ad expenditures with QuickCo, other expenditures with QuickCo, insider stock tips, personal gifts to Richard Quick, Esq., political influence, history or likelihood and/or desirability of sexual favors, and charitable contributions of stock, real estate or gold bullion to our nonprofit arm, the NAAWP.

CLICK “COMMENTS” ABOVE TO LEAVE A NOMINATION FOR THE FRANWORST 500.

Among the early nominations streaming in:

Automotive
Robin Steele Transmission Specialists
Mr. Slingshot Windshield Repair
Rent-A-Death-Trap Unsafe Vehicles 4 Less

Child-based
McTatts Child Safety Tattoos
Lil Dunces Tutoring
My First Downline! MLM for Kids
The Short Bus! Mobile Day Care
Kid-4-Kid Child Xchange
Build-A-Bomb Workshop (TM)
Pimp My Treehouse! & Pimp My Trike!
PLAY COACH Playground Performance Optimization
Wee Pals! Potty Training

Dating Services/Human Trafficking
It’s Just Sex!
Budget Brides
ChineseBaby.Com (video)
Slave Traders Int’l (video)

Personal Care
Not Dead Yet! Senior Care
Old Fogey Farm
Porn Clips Hair Salon for Men
1-800-Kall-Grl
2 Men & a Gasmask
Analrettes Smoking Cessation

Financial/Tax Services/Consulting
5 to 10 Tax Experts
The Money Laundry
Cold Dish Payback Services
Franchise-By-Seller The Franchise Sales Franchise
HCN Housewife Consulting Network
Vend-A-Temp
The 32 Hour Day (video)
Tony Bobbin’s “Let Go Clinic” (video)
Ron LaFree’s “Losing Your Money” (video)

Food/Restaurant Franchises
Whiznos Sandwiches – Get Toasted!
Haggis-Dasz
Sizzlin’ Sirloin Vegetarian Cafe
Isotopes – Radioactive Ice Cream of the Future!
El Taco Malo!
E Coli Mexican Cafe
C.R. Jugs Family Restaurant
Everything on a Stick!
Squat ‘n Gobble Restaurant
WD-40 Restaurant
Bistro Velveeta
Salmon Ella’s
All Steaks for $1.00
Bigot Bistro
Chris Coe Burgers*
STARBUSKJ Cofe ‘N’ RoP (video)

Home Services
Mr. Spraypaint Bathroom Refinishing
2 Men & A Mopbucket
Garage-O-Cile
Home Porn Studio
Mr. Happy Crack
Rent-A-Negro
Holly No Habla Inglés Maid Service*

Health & Fitness
LardAss Workout Centers
James Brown’s I FEEL GOOD! Fitness Club
World Championship Thumb Wrestling
Plutonium Beach Tanning Centers
Hemorrhoid Clinic, The
Bucket O’ Pills (video)

Internet & Technology
Get Rich on Revver! (video)

Lodging/Hospitality
Pizza Inn
Bethlehem Suites
Ghett Inn Urban Motel

Marketing/Advertising
Enviro-Ad Product Placement
BUMvertise!
All Natural Billboards
Signs by Last Thursday

Misc. Services
Good Riddance Discount Funerals
Mr. Mausoleum
Mona Leasing Art Rental
Goin’ Postal
Let’s Do Dishes!
Mr. Mariachi
Sell Dehydrated Water!
Dumpster Divers Int’l
CellPhone Harvest
All Clear! Drug Testing
Not mine! DNA Testing
iSTOLeDit! Ebay reSellers
MOB HITZ Contract Killings

Pets & Pet Services
Pet Island Tropical Resort
DATE-A-PET
ADverPet
Kenny Rogers Roosters
Pet Island
Pets-or-Food Store

Retail
Just Stickie Notes
Latex City
“As Seen in Motels” Superstore
My Foot’s Asleep!
The Vel-Cro Shoppe
Shoes-N-Feet
Assault & Battery Warehouse
BLING 4 LESS
MirkenStock
Shit Creek Paddle Store
Trapper Tom’s Nature Store (video)

OTHER
Get Middle Class Quick! (video)
ABANDONS Franchise Group (video)
Blow Darts Home Parties (video)

* Reader submitted

Check back often to see our growing list… And subscribe to learn more about these and other great Get Rich Quick! opportunities!

Franchise Graveyard: Mike Schmidt’s Philadelphia Hoagie

Richard Quick

– December 23, 2006Posted in: Franchise Graveyard

Mike Schmidt played his entire career for the Philadelphia Phillies, and is widely regarded as the greatest third baseman in history. He was decidedly less talented at deciding whom to license his name to. Schmidt reportedly lent his name and support to a Philly-style sandwich chain in exchange for $1000 per year per unit. It was one pitch Schmidt should have passed on, since the chain made it to ten units and then struck out in a rather ugly fashion. They left the franchisees stranded, one of whom detailed her tale of woe in FTC hearing testimony that’s posted online.

IF YOU HAVE ANY INSIGHT OR EXPERIENCE WITH THE MIKE SCHMIDT’S PHILADELPHIA HOAGIE FRANCHISE, PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT.

Franchisee Diane Mousely’s testimony transcript from 1997 FTC ANPR public hearing.

Excerpt from Mike Schmidt’s Philadelphia Hoagie Shortchanging Its Franchisees. (Originated from The Philadelphia Inquirer. Publication Date: 29-SEP-97 Author: Briggs, Rosland) COPYRIGHT 1997 Knight-Ridder/Tribune Business News

Sep. 29–Dianne Mousley and her husband, Richard, bought a Mike Schmidt’s Philadelphia Hoagie franchise for $12,500 in March 1995.

They liked the idea of owning a business and having a support system a phone call away.
But on Sept. 19, the Mike Schmidt’s Philadelphia Hoagies sign outside their Lancaster restaurant was replaced with a Poor Richard’s Philadelphia Hoagies sign: They were no longer franchisees, but independent business owners.

The Mousleys had operated one of 10 franchises bearing the Mike Schmidt name, all in eastern Pennsylvania and South Jersey. Now, all but one of them have closed — victims of lagging sales and, the franchisees say, too little help from the company.

The retired Philadelphia Phillies star never was involved in day-to-day management of the hoagie chain. Schmidt gave his name to the business in exchange for $1,000 annual royalty for each franchise. But Schmidt hasn’t received payments from the business in two years, according to his business agent.

The Mousleys and the other franchisees blame management for their failure.

“There was no support. They sent newsletters at the beginning about other (restaurant) openings and tried to get new products on the menu,” said Dianne Mousley. “It was a general decline….”

Franchise Graveyard: Dial-A-Husband

Richard Quick

– December 22, 2006Posted in: Franchise Graveyard, Hall of Shame!

More like Dial-A-Deadbeat…

The August 29, 2006 edition of the Montreal Gazette carried this story of an alleged franchisor scammer who sold Dial-A-Husband International handyman franchises then split with the fees. Two of the franchisees have carried on under the same name, and the franchisor is on the run.

Moral of the story: Do background checks on the principals before handing over your check.

Excerpt from the Montreal Gazette story:

“It’s been a real interesting struggle,” said Carmine Maurizio, the first Quebecer to invest in a Dial-A-Husband International Services Inc. franchise in July 2004.
Stephen McCavour followed suit three months later to become the second Dial-A-Husband in the province.

“We dished out $70,000 and $60,000 each,” Maurizio said.

Besides the $35,000 franchise fee, he invested that much again on trucks, tools, advertising and workers, only to be left high and dry along with about a dozen other franchisees in Ontario and Calgary by Dial-A-Husband founder Jim Gillingham.

“He has closed his doors and disappeared with all monies franchisees gave him,” Ontario franchisee Garry Shearer said yesterday from his Peterborough operation.
“When we confronted him and asked to look into the (company) books, he vanished.”

He is thought to be in Canada, but nobody knows where he is, including the police.

Maurizio recalled cornering Gillingham at a Home Depot convention in Toronto last September and having him run out of the building.

“We had security chasing him and he knocked over my partner, Stephen, who was trying to take photos of his licence plate.”

Dial-A-Husband, which Gillingham ran with his wife Sharron out of Mississauga, Ont., was dissolved at the end of 2004.

Maurizio, McCavour, Shearer and the few other remaining franchise owners have launched a lawsuit against Gillingham in Ottawa, claiming breach of contract and breach of Ontario’s franchising act for not fully disclosing his history.

Shearer noted the Gillinghams are wanted on fraud charges and warrants are out for both for not appearing in court to face the charges against them.

A January 2005 letter from the Suffolk County bureau of licensing in Hauppauge, N.Y., states that there were five open complaints and one closed complaint against Gillingham’s Ottawa-based JTG Construction Management LLC.

R.I.P. Dial-A-Husband,
Posthumously entered into the FranWorst Hall of Shame

ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH THE DIAL-A-HUSBAND FRANCHISE? LEAVE A COMMENT!

Quiznos Sues Itself; Charges Irreparable Damage to Brand

Richard Quick

– December 22, 2006Posted in: ALL

[Pictured, Left, Quiznos Spokesman Bob at Press Conference]

DENVER In what legal analysts are calling unprecedented in the history of litigation, Quiznos Corporation has sued itself, claiming that it has done “irreparable harm to the Quiznos brand” and has “consistently failed to promote in such a manner as will not detract from or do damage to the reputation of Quiznos in the markeplace and the goodwill associated with the Quiznos name and trademarks.” The court filing included a request for an emergency injunction to prevent the Denver-based sandwich chain from “doing any more harm to itself and others.”
READ THE WHOLE STORY HERE

Quiznos Sues Itself; Charges Irreparable Damage to Brand

Richard Quick

– December 21, 2006Posted in: ALL

[Pictured, Left, Quiznos Spokesman Bob at Press Conference]

The move comes after the company, through its subsidiary QFA Royalties LLC, terminated deals with 10 members of the board of the Toasted Sandwich Franchisee Association, a group that often is critical of the company’s practices. Quiznos terminated the franchises after the TSFA posted a tribute to franchisee Bob Baber, who killed himself last month in a California Quiznos and left a note detailing his troubles with the company.

Documents filed in U.S. District Court in Denver allege Quiznos Corporation’s treatment of its franchisees constitutes a breach of common decency and a violation of state statutes. In a prepared statement, Quiznos spokesman Bob stated that its own franchisee-relations policies were “deplorable” and “unconscionable.” Said Bob: “We’re out of control. We’ve got to be stopped.”

When asked how they would finance their mounting legal costs, Baby Bob smiled and said: “Not to worry. That’s what Ad Funds are for.”

Skipper’s Skipped Tax Payments; Files Bankruptcy

Richard Quick

– December 18, 2006Posted in: Franchise Graveyard, Franchise Watch

[Pictured, left, Skipper the Parrot]

According to the Associated Press and other news sources, franchisor Skipper’s Inc., which operates 59 seafood restaurants in five Western states, has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection, mostly because of unpaid federal taxes.

Skipper’s filed for reorganization in U.S. Bankruptcy Court, listing the Internal Revenue Service as its biggest creditor with $2 million in unpaid federal employment taxes and penalties out of $6.7 million in debt.

Skipper’s Inc. plans to close five of its Skipper’s Seafood ‘n Chowder House restaurants. According to company lawyer James L. Day, bankruptcy protection would allow Skipper’s to break long-term leases on the five unprofitable stores and on six others that were closed earlier.

Of the 54 remaining outlets, 32 are in Washington state. Four other Skipper’s restaurants are operated under franchise agreements, and the company also sells a line of clam chowder, tartar sauce and other packaged products through retail outlets.

Something Fishy Going on in Accounting

Kenneth Williams, principal owner of Skipper’s, said that neither he nor other principals knew federal employment taxes went largely unpaid for more than a year. He accused former Skipper’s finance director Eric Li of arranging to “cover up the accruing tax debt” through false financial reports to senior managers. He claimed that Li “abruptly disappeared” a month after the problem became known.

Skipper’s, known mostly for fried fish, was founded in Bellevue in 1969 and at its peak grew to about 220 restaurants around the Western U.S. Meridian Capital bought Skipper’s in 1995 and the chain was down to 78 outlets in 2002 when it was sold to Seafood Restaurants Northwest LLC, the current owner. According to court filings, sales have declined from $30 million in 2004 to $23 million in the first 11 months of 2006.

Franchise Graveyard: Fratelli Ravioli

Richard Quick

– December 17, 2006Posted in: Franchise Graveyard

The Brooklyn Chamber of Commerce awarded the founders their 2004 Entrepreneur of the Year Award. Entrepreneur Magazine named Fratelli Ravioli one of their “Hot for 2006″ franchise concepts. Their concept was celebrated with positive media coverage from Crain’s New York Business to the Food Channel. Even post-mortem, the Fratelli Ravioli website showed happy franchisees, promised “success and fun all under one roof” and stated “‘Our success is your success’”

November, 2006, all five Fratelli locations reportedly closed, five families lost their investments, and the franchisor moved to Arizona to be a “business consultant.”

FRANCHISE AUTOPSY: The cause of death is not entirely clear. In news articles from the New York Post and The Brooklyn Papers, and in comments on Franchise Pick, Fratelli Ravioli Co-Founder Larry Vivola blamed the franchise industry for brainwashing him into thinking franchising his business was “safe,” and blaming his franchisees for not running the stores well and for skimping on “quality and portions.”

Comments left on Franchise Pick and A Brooklyn Life question the founders’ business ethics and practices. On the Brooklyn website, Fratelli customers bemoaned the closures, praised the food, but complained of increasingly poor service and rudeness.

Moral of the Story: Even after Fratelli Ravioli went to that big pasta bowl in the sky, the Entrepreneur website still celebrated Fratelli Ravioli as a hot concept, and the company website still stated “Success will be assured… The company builds a strong lasting relationship with it’s [sic] franchisees, employees and the local community.” So… Look behind the hype… even seemingly credible hype.

R.I.P. Fratelli Ravioli

If you know more about the cause of death of Fratelli Ravioli, and the lessons to be gleaned, feel free to leave a comment.

Quiznos Awarded FranWorst Franchise Hall of Shame Award!

Richard Quick

– December 14, 2006Posted in: ALL

Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq. is delighted to announce that the Quiznos franchise program has been named the first nominee for entrance to the FranWorst Franchise Hall of Shame Award!

While the competition was tough, Richard Quick Esq. announced that the bold, wonderfully ruthless termination of the franchise agreements of ten franchise owners (representing 17 stores) really put them in a class of their own.

The terminations were made in response to the leaking of the alleged suicide note of their fellow franchisee Bob Baber, who was distraught over the failure of his franchise and his ongoing litigation with Quiznos Corporation. The ten were board members of the Toasted Sub Franchise Association.

“The cold, uncaring nature of the franchise terminations in the wake of their comrade’s death, and the corporation’s total commitment to excellence in self-interest and wealth acquisition brought tears of admiration to my eyes,” said Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq. “They are an inspiration to the youth of America.”

Read all about the amazing Quiznos at

The Franchise That’s Too Good to be True: Quiznos!

Richard Quick

– December 14, 2006Posted in: Hall of Shame!

While other chains waste valuable homepage real estate promoting their products to consumers, the Quiznos website puts their franchise information right up front, for your convenience:

“Realize your dream of owning your own business and start controlling your financial future by joining the fastest growing restaurant chain in the nation. The Quiznos franchise program gives you the tools needed to help you succeed:

* An excellent product * Strategic location assistance * Strong advertising
* A comprehensive training program * Ongoing local support
* A proven business model – simple and rewarding”

Everybody’s crazy about the Quiznos franchise! The awards are piling up!
#1 Restaurant Chain, Nation’s Restaurant News, June 2006, Growth in Number of U.S. Units – Top 100, Ranked #1 Five Years in a Row!

#2 Best Overall Franchise, Entrepreneur Magazine, January 2006, 27th Annual Top Franchise 500

#3 Top 50 Chains, QSR Magazine, August 2005, By Change in Systemwide Sales

Why does Quiznos stand out from its slow-growing competitors? No, it’s not their toasty bread, delicious meats, or plastic Q-shaped dishes. It’s not their demon-possessed baby spokesman, or the fact that they buy-one-get-one their franchisees to death to pass the savings on to you, the consumer. No, the secret to their amazing growth is their tough, determined leadership.

That’s right. Their lawyers and their tough, determined leadership.

While lesser chains might buckle under to the whining, pleas and death gasps of their desperate franchisees by actually listening, caring or wasting precious resources on assisting them, Quiznos keeps the wheels of progress grinding and crunching forward.

Weak, wimpy franchise chains might be intimidated by, or even try to avoid, the mounting lawsuits being waged against them by individuals who realized their dreams of business ownership and controlling their financial futures by joining the fastest growing restaurant chain in the nation, but not Quiznos. Quiznos knows they will never become #1 in litigation spending by being intimidated by malcontents. (Watch out, Fred DeLuca!)

So God bless Quiznos! God bless those award-givers and publishers of positive press! God bless the industry leaders, the associations and the government agencies that remain silent in the presence of such greatness!

It is success stories like Quiznos that inspire America, and account for the wonderful reputation franchising enjoys in American business!

See you on the veranda!

Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq.

Want to make the FranWorst Hall of Shame? Read up on Quiznos and learn from the best:

TSFA post on the passing of Quiznos franchisee Bob Baber

Alleged suicide note/letter by Quiznos franchisee Bob Bab er

Tampa Tribune story on Quiznos

Discussion of Quiznos on Blue Mau Mau

Janet Sparks’ commentary on Quiznos franchise terminations

Quiznos memo regarding suicide of their franchisee (Blue Mau Mau)

Quiznos Termination notices for TSFA Board Members (Blue Mau Mau)
Toasted Subs Franchisee Association