KFC Puts Ad on the Moon!

November 19, 2006 by Richard Quick

KFC CREATES FIRST ADVERTISEMENT IN SPACE;

BEAMS 60 MILLION SQ. FOOT CONTEMPORIZED COLONEL SANDERS LOGO ONTO MOON’S COPERNICUS CRATER

KFC names EnviroAd as Space Advertising Agency-of-Record after admitting its Area 51 “Face from Space” promotion was “ill-conceived and moronic.”

[PICTURED: KFC's "contemporized" Colonel Sanders image being continuously projected onto the moon. Photo credit: EnviroAd]

CRATER COPERNICUS, THE MOON – Less than one week after KFC Corp. attempted to launch it’s global reimage campaign by creating the “World’s First Brand Visible From Space” by erecting an 87,500 square-foot likeness of Colonel Sanders in the Arizona Desert, KFC Corp. President Gregg Dedrick declared the campaign a huge and embarrassing mistake, and launched a bolder, more focused space-based advertising initiative in its place.

At an emergency press conference held at KFC’s Terrestrial Headquarters in Louisville, KY (which was beamed via video feed to the moon and back for dramatic effect) Dedrick admitted to having had attended the ad agency’s creative presentation while under the influence of at least 6 of the Colonel’s 11 secret herbs.Speaking to a packed room, Dedrick was forthright and contrite, accepting full responsibility for a campaign he characterized as both “ill-conceived” and “moronic.” Said Dedrick: “I have no recollection of doing so, but I understand that I approved a plan to construct an 87,500 square-foot replica of Colonel Sanders’ ‘contemporized’ face in the Area 51 desert, and they actually did it!”

Dedrick recounted awaking from a spice-induced haze and reading through the PR campaign plan titled KFC Creates World’s First Brand Visible from Space. “When I read the part of the release where I was quoted as saying ‘If there are extraterrestrials in outer space, KFC wants to be their restaurant of choice,’ suicidal thoughts overcame me. Luckily, my friend and mentor Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq. answered my call on the first ring.”

That call may have saved Gregg Dedrick’s life… and certainly his career. Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq., perhaps the world’s most brilliant marketing mind, happened to be friend and mentor to KFC’s Dedrick. Quick calmed Dedrick, and pledged his help as long as Dedrick would seek professional help once the crisis was averted. Dedrick agreed.
Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq.’s assessment was that KFC’s advertising agency had the right idea, but just had it backwards. According to Quick, “It was as if they had their heads where their derrieres are supposed to be, and vice versa. They broke one of the fundamental rules of advertising: Place your promotional message where it will be visible to at least some of Earth’s inhabitants.”

Luckily, the development team at Quick’s Quick Research Group was fine-tuning the

prototype of the world’s most powerful laser projection device. Millionaire Quick expedited the testing, and within 48 hours beamed the “contemporized” face of Colonel Sanders onto the moon. The Colonel’s loveable mug now spans the 60 mile wide Copernicus Crater, covering 1.4 billion square feet, and is visible to the entire population of Earth, making him the first fast food legend on the moon.

[PICTURED RIGHT: EnviroAd is selling the exclusive lunar advertising territory sponsorships shown on the grid. KFC's location is highlighted.]

KFC’s Out-of-This-World Value Meal an instant success!
Quick Promotion Group further saved Dedrick’s career from the rotisserie by devising and launching an instantly successful tie-in promo: the KFC Out-of-This-World Value Meal, which comes with 8 pieces of Original Recipe or Extra Crispy Chicken, 2 Homestyle Side items, 4 buttermilk biscuits, and a QuickCo QuickView Portable Telescope, featuring a 150mm-diameter, 1200mm focal length parabolic primary mirror, a 1.25″ aluminum focuser and a navigation knob for easy slewing, plus a finder scope and two Sirius Plössl eyepieces. The KFC Out-of-This-World Value Meal is value-priced at only $199.99. Customers can Colonel-size it for an additional 39 cents and receive an eyepiece rack, quick-collimation cap, and hard dust cap featuring the Colonel’s “contemporized” likeness.

In light of rocketing same-store sales and the media coverage of the EnviroAd Lun.E promotion, the KFC board has pledged its support for President Gregg Dedrick. The historic and often emotional press conference concluded with President Dedrick’s final words: “Thank you, Richard Quick, Esq…. And God bless EnviroAd!”

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Comments

8 Responses to “KFC Puts Ad on the Moon!”

RG on November 20th, 2006 1:45 pm

Hey, even the Dems aren’t gonna raise the minimum wage that much. I guy shouldn’t have to work half a week for a breast and a thigh, even with a view. Couldn’t you guys jack up the watts on that laser so the Colonel’s face covers a bigger chunk of moonscape? With a cheap pair of plastic binocs you could maybe get the Moon Meal down to $19.95.
KFC Colonel Sanders On The Mooon on November 20th, 2006 4:22 pm

[...] The friendly old man’s face would be visible to six billion hungry beings (and some canibals). The satirical press release announcing the advertisement in space says ““KFC creates first advertisement in space; beams 60 million sq. foot contemporized Colonel Sanders logo onto moon’s Copernicus crater.” [...]
t on November 22nd, 2006 12:56 pm

or is it lunatic advertising??
Chicken out on November 26th, 2006 3:12 pm

You got the wrong crater – that’s Tycho that you’ve used.
blebber on November 26th, 2006 3:58 pm

Err – it’s Tycho crater you’ve got there, not Copernicus.
Richard Quick, Esq. on November 27th, 2006 10:00 am

I have ordered a full inquiry from Quick Research Group into your assertion as to the actual crater currently serving as the billboard for the venerable Colonel.

If this is indeed not the Copernicus crater, there will shortly be a couple of astroadvertising researchers working the fryer at the local KFC.

Chicken Out or Blebber… are either of you interested in an exciting career in lunar media?
Adam Rant on November 27th, 2006 11:46 am

Rubbish – Cunning did this for FHM 5 years ago with J-Lo. Like this, J-LO was a spoof as it is impossible to project on the moon (it’s like shining a torch on a lightbulb).

Next!
Richard Quick, Esq. on November 27th, 2006 12:36 pm

Adam:

Thank you for your comment. I am not familiar with the company you mention (Rubbish-Cunning) but it would appear that their mistake was using torches. We use the world’s most powerful lasers for our logo projections. It does not pay to cut corners on technology.

Richard