Archive for June, 2006

Thanks to the new Green Line Real Estate Co., the dinar bell is ringing!

When life hands you lemons, do you make lemonade?

Is that bombed out crater half empty, or half full?

How you answer these questions may well determine whether you have the positive, wealth-building mindset it takes to GET RICH QUICK! in wartime real estate speculation, or whether you’ll continue to be a disappointment to your family and friends. If you answered 1) lemonade and 2) half full to the questions above, in that order, read on! You have what it takes to Get Rich Quick! from the new real estate opportunities of GREEN LINE REAL ESTATE CO., a (Quick &) Hammond Enterprise.

Since you have passed our initial screening, (and believe us, few make it this far. You are special!) we will now give you access to the top secret real estate tips that will make you as rich as a Halliburton. The tip of the week is: Ramadi. (No, not Ramada. Ramadi. )

Ramadi is an increasingly spacious town located just 110 kilometres west of Baghdad in Iraq’s largest province. While some look at Ramadi and see a stronghold of insurgent forces and Islamic extremists, such as Abu Musab al-Zarqawi’s al-Qaeda group, and one of the most dangerous cities in the country, smart buyers like you see real estate bargains galore, where every building two-stories and taller with an accessible rooftop can generate lucrative rental income as sniper lookouts.

Real estate prices have fallen by 40 per cent over the last six months in Ramadi. 300-square metre houses which previously sold for about 100 million Iraqi dinars (about 67,800 US dollars) are now going for about 60 million dinars. Why? Because the residents don’t have your “millionaire mindset.” Ismael al-Dulaimi, a 38-year-old who owns or leases nearly 20 properties, recently said he is packing up and moving to Baghdad “so that my children can live a relatively normal life away from daily violence and terror.” Just to get out of the city, Dulaimi sold the lease on 15 shops for a total of only seven million dinars (4,700 dollars) even though the 25-year arrangement was worth 15 million dinars. al-Dulaimi will never Get Rich Quick! In real estate with that outlook… but you can!
You’re the kind of person that, when life hands you ammonium nitrate and diesel fuel, you make something special out of it. And when Green Line Real Estate offers you the incredible investment properties we’ve listed below… it’s time for you to make a killing.

Exclusive Green Line Real Estate Property Listings for RAMADI, IRAQ:

PROPERTY 1:
Secure and secluded valley location full of breathtaking views, surrounded by manned watch-towers and minefields for your ultimate protection!
Category – lots/land
Address – Ramadi, Iraq
For Sale/Rent by – Green Line Real Estate
Construction Year – n/a
Area - 22,000 m2
AMENITIES: Mountain View Electric and water currently available Rock garden (native limestone!) Attached bunker
NOTES: Highly motivated sellers (deceased)

Wanna get rich? Then get FUELISH!

FUELISH! is the top secret gasoline booster pill that can increase fuel efficiency and mileage 50% OR MORE while actually REDUCING EMISSIONS (so take that you tree hugging vegenazis!) Think of FUELISH! as steroids for your gas tank. And now, through an exclusive top secret program developed by QuickTech Labs, you can get as fat and rich as Lee Iaococa… by selling secret FUELISH! products to your friends and neighbors!

Through the FUELISH! investor program, you’ll be richer than the neighborhood crack dealer… only without the funny clothes, late hours and jail time. Your friends and neighbors will love you because they won’t have to eat macaroni & cheese every night while their SUV is suck’n down filet mignon. They’ll be lined up at your back door with their money waving, begging you to let them score some of your FUELISH! top secret gas enhancement pills.

Richard Quick, Esq. and QuickTech Labs are offering this exclusive dealership opportunity to a limited number of savvy entrepreneurs who aren’t afraid to invest in a sure thing, and, most importantly, know how to keep a secret. The major oil companies don’t want word getting out about FUELISH! the top secret gas booster for obvious reasons, so be sure not to mention it to anyone except paying customers, especially local law enforcement, your brother-in-law the mechanic, the EPA or consumer and anti-fraud groups, the other overly serious & squealers.

Sign up for Richard Quick, Esq.’s Get Rich Quick! wealth-building newsletter for details!
Sign up for Get Rich Quick! the Newsletter and you’ll Get Rich Quick! Guaranteed!

Become a Hand Job Wax distributer and Get Rich Quick!

Learn more at Hand Job Wax.

Just be sure your tattoo artist is very good and your customer service is top notch.

After being disillusioned with the Hollywood scene and the lack of serious roles for women, Bette Davis changed her name back to its original spelling, returned to her home in Mississippi and to her first love: BBQ.

Now you can become a star by delighting your town with the two great taste that taste great together.

As an owner of a Happy Hooker Bait Shop franchise, you’ll be privvy to the many secrets to our success. And best yet: you won’t have to sell bait!

I travelled the globe, sometimes in very primitive conditions with only luxury accomodations and twin supermodels to console me, in order to find – for you – the world’s most amazing business opportunities. Your wealth was my only concern. And let me tell you, from the golden towers of Khartoum to diamond mines of Siam, I saw nothing more amazing – nor more a powerful engine for wealth creation – than the Big Green Mystical Ball.

It will change your life and, in doing so, blow your mind. So use it with caution. And use only as directed.

Funny, but true, story: We actually opened our first DAPZY’s! Dangerous Animal Petting Zoo in order to drum up business for some of our other concepts (LEND A HAND Rent-to-Own Prosthetics, Out on a Limb Prosthetics to Go! and THE SECOND HAND STORE Slightly used Limbs) But it was so successful, we now offer it as a stand-alone franchise!

Experience growth in the double digits… As the owner of the DAPZY’s! Dangerous Animal Petting Zoo in your town!

First came the Squat franchise which was an overnight success. Then we met the need for high quality gobbling with the Gobble franchise, which rivaled Squat with its meteoric rise in popularity. And now, we’ve outdone ourselves once again by combining two of the hottest names in franchising into one incredible opportunity:

The Squat ‘n Gobble Franchise!

While there’s no such thing as a sure thing, there’s no doubt you’ll soon be Squat ‘n Gobbling all the way to the bank… Guaran-damn-teed!

JUST IMAGINE HOW PROUD YOU’LL FEEL TELLING YOUR FAVORITE OFFSPRING “SOMEDAY, SON, THE SQUAT ‘N GOBBLE WILL BE YOURS!” And feel how good it will be to tell the rest of the lazy slackers: “Have fun with your video games, and rap music and books, because you’ll never see a dime from the Squat ‘N Gobble. And neither will your drunken tramp of a mother!”