GET RICH QUICK: Renting Negroes!

Start a Negro Rental Service.
Those wacky negros. Is there anything they can’t do? And since we can’t buy them anymore (supposedly), there’s a big demand for rentals. Now you can turn the demand for America’s favorite minority into a great business you can run from the other side of town. Or get ahead of the curve with a Latino Leasing, Temp-Iranians, Contract a Canuck, or Rent to Own an Asian Agency.

Who loves black people? Check out Sally & John. They love their black friends, who love them back.

[Check out damali’s actual site, http://damaliayo.com/ and her myspace page: http://www.myspace.com/damaliayocds. After the rent-a-negro website, damali wrote the book, “how to rent a negro,” elaborating on the concept. It is broken up into a section for potential renters and a section for potential rentals. you can find out more about her book on damaliayo.com as well. A good lesson in how to get a lot of mileage from a single joke.]

GET RICH QUICK: Sell Guinea Pig Costumes!

You think YOU have trouble coming up with a Halloween costume? Imagine how hard it is for Guinea Pigs! These little fellas have quite the identity conflict brewing anyway, since they’re neither dago guineas nor are they pigs. You can make MILLIONS helping to add to the confusion, just like the creative folks have done over at Cuddly Cavies, where these fine creative designs are from. Cuddly Cavies. It’s your online Guinea Pig Costume Superstore!

GET RICH QUICK: EZ TOYZ = EZ CASH!!!

Richard Quick, Esq. knows a winning, surefire, can’t miss investment opportunity when he sees one, and EZ Toyz is a winner. Want proof? Just read this excerpt from their website:

Want to make $100,000+ a year?
An exciting investment opportunity for
entrepreneurs interested in making unlimited income distributing Licensed, Brand
Name products!
No Experience
Restock Profitable Accounts
Distribute
Licensed Products
Part-Time or Full-Time
Work From Home
No Overhead
Financial Opportunities
Long History of Success

Go to the EZ Toyz! website and delve deep into this moneymaker!

GET RICH QUICK: Sell Cute Lil Fetuses

If you could sell cute lil fetuses like the cute lil fetuses from FetusMart, I bet you’d GET RICH QUICK!

Lots of people are crazy about fetuses. They’ll fight to the death to protect’m.

Others don’t seem to get what the big fuss about fetuses is. They’re all for flushing them.

If you decide to sell fetuses like those from FetusMart, I’d suggest you market to the former group, not the latter. You may want to use a playful marketing approach, like: “Hey, you love fetuses so much, how about buying a few?”

Consider charging a premium for the Ninja Fetus, since he comes with a sword.

GET RICH QUICK: Sell Republican Clothing!

Fishermen have a saying: “Fish where the fish are biting.”

We millionaires also have a saying: “Sell where the money is.”

It’s only logical that if you want to make money selling clothing, sell good solid Republican clothing. Liberal’s clothing budgets are ridiculously small, since, when it comes to spending, clothing and hygiene products lose out to priority budget items such as illicit drugs, skim soy lattes & abortions.

Sell Republican Clothing and make a bundle like the enterprising right wing retailers at RightWingClothing.Com.

GET RICH QUICK: Spread the word of Cheezus!

Help others find Cheezus and rack up divine riches: as a sales rep for Cheezus Industries, the international distributor of premium quality, religious-themed cheese sculptures.

This is truly a way for you to do well by doing good. You’ll not only lead lost sheep to the heavenly cheese spread that can resurrect the dullest parties, but you’ll receive a handsome reward for every sales convert!

With Cheezus on your side, how can you lose?

Get Rich Quick: Start a Christian Dollar Store!

Like you, I’m a sucker for bargains. Unlike you, I’m a major shareholder in WAL MART, a billionaire (multi-millionaire to the IRS) and have an entire research company to evaluate my crackpot ideas at my whim. So I ran a couple of value-store ideas up the flagpole at Quick Reasearch Group to see how viable they would be.

My first idea was a bargain store for the ultra-wealthy called Everything’s-A-Million! Cars, planes, boats, trophy wives… it would all be there, and all priced at $1 Million even. The research came back unconclusive, so we’re still fine-tuning the concept.

The second idea was an immediate winner: The Christian dollar store. The research group said that my original idea was brilliant (of course) and that the concept had a nearly 100% likelihood of success, supported by the fact that ChristianDollarStore.Com was already doing it.

So we decided to create a manufacturing company to produce Christian “trinket and trash (as we affectionately refer to our divine product line). So now you can GET RICH QUICK! selling quality Christian products like Bible tins with cross-shaped mints, American “Fish Flag” pins (pictured), Tangy scripture candy, and t-shirts that read “Jesus. Sweet Savior. King of Kings” designed to look like the Reeses Peanut Butter Cups logo… And I’ll get even richer selling you garageloads of the stuff!

GET RICH QUICK: With Gwen’s Secret AutoErotic Asphyxia Home Parties!

AutoErotic Asphyxia is the latest craze sweeping the nation, especially among the lucrative demographic of credit-card debt laden wine swilling divorced disillusioned and despondent democratic housewives who realize their lives are just plain going nowhere. But there’s a problem: where do you find the right accessories, the ones that are both functional and stylish? And who can show them how to use them?

The short answer: YOU. That’s right. You. You can be a Gwen’s Secret Hostess, hosting your own in-home parties, selling the chic new scarves and accessories in a dizzying array of styles and colors. And best yet, your secret will be that while the girls are “tying one on” at your home party, your boyfriend can be burglarizing their unattended homes.

Don’t worry. They’re insured!

Learn Gwen’s Secret at her website.

GET RICH QUICK: Sell "Hammies" The Bengal Burgers

My God, this Gwen Hammond is on fire! The entrepreneurial ideas and business developments emerging from Hammond Corporation of late are amazing! I haven’t been this proud of Gwenny since she sucker-punched Martha Stewart for sneezing into her Hammond Scarf.

Well, give your neighbors in the trailer park something exotic to grill this summer rather than the same old burgers, hotdogs and roadkilled possum. Through the Hammond Home parties program, you can sell frozen endangered meats to your friends and neighbors and make a killing in no time. As Gwen loves to say (when drunk): They’ll scarf them up!

Learn more at Gwen Hammond’s Upper Echelon.

MultiFamily Chateau: Rendition Ready!

It’s time to get your real estate career Iraq’n Rolling with this one-of-kind property from Greenline Real Estate, a (Quick &) Hammond Company. This luxury Chateau is 100% insurgent-free, and is perfectly suited for multiple families. Amenities include fortified sniper perch and pre-pitted exterior AND interior walls. The extraordinary rendition chamber is completely soundproof with a discrete, unlit rear door, making extra rental income generation a no-brainer!

Call soon, because this bargain could disappear at any moment!

PROPERTY 2:
Gorgeous 2 story, 4 bedroom Iraqi chateau in the Aswah-Hedelfah neighborhood of quaint, historic Olde Al-Mansur.
Category - house/compound
Grave type - medium to shallow
Address - Located near Al-Mansur, Iraq
For Sale/Rent by - Green Line Real Estate
Construction Year - n/a
Reason for selling - Classified
AMENITIES: Mudbrick walls 4 bedrooms elec. and water currently avail. Quiet, increasingly spacious street Extraordinary rendition chamber is soundproof with private access fortified sniper perch with magnificent view 100% insurgent-free

Property Listings are courtesy Greenline Real Estate, a (Quick &) Hammond Company. Not affiliated with the U.S. Government, Central Intelligence Agency or affiliates.

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