Richard Quick’s Criticism Topples Universist Movement
March 31, 2006 by Richard Quick · Leave a Comment
Never underestimate the power of a millionaire’s criticism.
Days after Richard Quick, Esq. exposed the so-called Universist Movement a leftist, lesbo hoax, and a ludicrous joke, and added their inane forum to the revered list Richard Quick’s Top Time-Wasting Loser Sites, guess what? The forum officially shut down in embarrassment and defeat, and the “Movement” seems to have reached up from its own toilet bowl and pulled the flusher in shame and remorse. The few worth converting were graciously accepted into the Church of Morrism by Grandmaster Morri himself.
When Richard Quick, Esq. speaks, charlatans and posers flee in terror!
Beware the wrath of Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq.!
QUICK’S PICKS: Richard Quick’s Best Companies to Invest In
March 18, 2006 by Richard Quick · 1 Comment
One of the keys to getting rich quick, and staying rich, is associating with WINNERS. Vote any way you want, protest ‘yil your heart’s bleeding non-stop, but at the end of the day, trust your money to the take-no-prisoners sonofabitches who are going to maximize their shareholder’s investments… at all costs. Here are some of my favorite companies to invest in now, and in the glorious future.
HALLIBURTON - My fave! Every time the sissy liberals flap their wrists is protest, screaming about no-bid contracts and billions in sleazy wartime profiteering, all I can hear is cha-CHING! cha-CHING! chaCHING!
NIKE - They are a beacon of human resource management, cost-containment and employee motivation. They use sports-metaphors and imagery to motivate a workforce that refuses to accept more than 14 - 18 cents per day. They just do it! and then Do it again!
WAL-MART - I love WAL-MART. I make my driver pull my Rolls Royce into their parking lot every couple of weeks so I can have a laugh. Here, WAL-MART is shipping all their jobs overseas, but these morons keep coming, and keep buying, because WAL-MART lets them park their RVs in their lot overnight. And they’ve got the best prices on Dale Earnhardt Jr. beer coolers, Budweiser deer hunting caps, fried lard and size 42 underwear.
CLEAR CHANNEL BROADCASTING - Everybody hates a monopoly… at least everybody too stupid to invest in it! Stop fighting and join them. Resistance is futile! And unprofitable.
NORTHROP GRUMMAN - War’s a tragic thing, loss of live, innocent victims, and all that. But hey, we didn’t start it. And now that we’re in it, there’s nothing wrong with making some money off it, is there?
MONSANTO - Hey, they’re not just about DDT & Agent Orange/Purple anymore. They’re not just about tasty GMOs. In fact, there’s a little bit of Monsanto in everyone, you and me included!
EXXONMOBIL - Even treehuggers and lesbotarians can’t deny this great company’s contribution to conservation and humankind. They provide energy for a developing world. They operate responsibly wherever they do business. They use well-established environmental management systems to ensure conserving biodiversity is integral to our operations. In doing so, they will Protect Tomorrow. Today.
PRAISE for Richard Quick’s Get Rich Quick! books
March 17, 2006 by Richard Quick · Leave a Comment
PAUL KINSELLA, Founder, Afterlife Telegrams
Richard Quick’s books are among the many thousands of extremely helpful books that I have never read!!!
BISTER MUNGLE, Persona Non Importa, AdBusters Forum
Impressive amalgamation of ignorance and arrogance, well done.
DID RICHARD QUICK’S GET RICH QUICK! BOOKS HELP YOU TO AMASS VAST PERSONAL WEALTH AND ENVIABLE SUCCESS? IF SO, SEND YOUR NAME, ACCOMPLISHMENTS & TESTIMONIAL TO RICHARDQUICKESQ@YAHOO.COM. IF NOT, BUY THE WHOLE SERIES AND GET READING!
Mt. Goat & PISS beers to merge?
March 16, 2006 by Richard Quick · Leave a Comment
This just reported in the respected Aussie Financial News & Beer Report: Stocks soared on the Australian Mercantile Exchange on rumors of a merger between Mountain Goat Beer and PISS Beer to create a Super Premium Goat Piss Beer line. Also fueling activity are reports that American Millionaire Extraordinaire Richard quick, Esq. is courting each company for North American import and bottling rights, and in talks with PISS for creation of a boutique American-style microbrew “Richard quick’s Own PISS: The Sweet Taste of Success” specifically developed for the refined American beer palette.”
Little known facts about Australia: Beer is traded as a commodity on the Australian stock market. The Australian language has over 50 words for hangover and more than 100 words and phrases for alcohol-induced vomiting.
Richard Quick’s Success Tips: Take a Piss & Start the Day Right
March 16, 2006 by Richard Quick · 1 Comment
Future Millionaires: Proper eating habits are essential in maintaining the Get Rich Quick! Millionaire Mindset. And breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Remember that until you get to be successful like me, you’re going to have to drink four quarts of piss for every glass of Dom Perignon. Might as well get it out of the way early.
Incidentally, Richard Quick, Esq. is currently in negotiations to acquire the North American bottling rights to this fine Australian Brew (also available in low alcohol Piss Weak). I am currently testing my own private label version “Richard Quick’s Own PISS,” with the tagline “The Sweet taste of success!” (Visit http://www.pi55.com/ for more information and to purchase the Piss Pack. Email your support for Richard Quick’s bottling rights proposal to drinkin@pi55.com and copy richardquickesq@yahoo.com)
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Unworthy Charity #1: Ken’s Medieval History PhD & book
March 14, 2006 by Richard Quick · 3 Comments
The first submission for Richard Quick’s Top Unworthy Charities of 2006 comes from Publisher, Founder, CEO, and “Chairman of the Bored” of the misguided anti-commercialist (!) site Corporate Motherfucker (www.corporatemofo.com). Begs Ken: “”I ask that you endow a scholarship to put me through my Ph.D in medieval history and buy a publishing company to publish my book.” Mr. Mondschein meets several of my criteria for unworthy charities: He is a reformed Ren-faire jouster, and an “avid student” of historical fencing. He quotes Allen “The Barde of Edinburgh” Ginsburg. He either shares my fondness for Newcastle Ale or he has a serious growth on his left cheek. And he knows how to appeal to investors (Well, fuck you. We’re not selling out. All the same, we want to start a print magazine. If you have money and no desire to make a profit, please contact Ken Mondschein at editor@corporatemofo.com.) I believe any donations you can make to the Send-Ken-to-the-Middle-Ages Fund will be money well-spent. That way his anti-capitalist, leftist opinions will be forever contained in that liberal cone-of-silence we call Academia. Learn more at www.corporatemofo.com.
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Accepting Submissions for Richard Quick’s Top Unworthy Charity Contributions for 2006
March 14, 2006 by Richard Quick · Leave a Comment
My therapist told me that my recent anger at the attacks upon me, my integrity, my choice of blog software, my validity as a real person and the size of my member is uncharacteristic, unbecoming and borderline obsessive. “You never get mad, Richard,” she said, working the stiffness in my neck. “You get even.” And she’s right. The Ugliest Farking Farker Contest was immature, mean-spirited and dull. (Besides, Bobby T had an unfair advantage). I hereby cancel the Farking Ugliest Farker Contest and dedicate myself to buying Fark.Com, and using its member records to track down any of my employees that visited during work hours and firing them on the spot. They’ll not only get no severance, I’ll bill them back time-and-a-half for any time they squandered on Fark.com. I’ll impound their Ford Escorts ’til they pay in full, too. Then we’ll outsource their jobs to India or Haiti to workers who don’t Fark when they’re paid to work.
Call for submissions: Richard Quick’s Top Unworthy Charity Contributions for 2006. With tax season upon us, I am actively searching for tax write-offs that will keep me from ever, ever paying a cent of my millions to the IRS. I am therefore accepting submissions for Richard Quick’s Top Unworthy Charity Contributions for 2006. Email information links, logos to me at richardquickesq@yahoo.com.
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Richard Quick to Wed Ms. Blessing Paul May 1
March 13, 2006 by Richard Quick · 3 Comments
Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq. is proud to announce his engagement to Ms. Blessing Paul of Refugee Camp, Cotonou, Benin Republic, a 26 year old medical student of gynecology. She is the daughter of the late gold & diamond merchant George Paul and late mother Mercy Paul, who were killed by rebels. Richard Quick will be assisting with the transfer of the $12.5M USD family treasure from Security Company, and investing for Ms. Paul. GrandMaster Morri will perform the ceremony, and Barrister Oskwe Gluma, Benin, will give away the bride. The couple will honeymoon at sea in the Principality of New-Utopia, near the offshore banks of the Cayman Islands. Please join us in congratulating Mr. Quick and his new bride-to-be, who met recently on the Internet.
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Sign up for Richard Quick’s Get Rich Quick! newsletter
March 13, 2006 by Richard Quick · Leave a Comment
If you are sincerely interested in building wealth and breaking free from the habits that make you a loser, you’ll sign up for Richard Quick’s Get Rich Quick! newsletter, chocked with lots of ways you can become a multimillionaire in no time, even with your limited time, talents and intelligence. If you decide to go back to being a loser at any time, you can use our one-click opt-out and you’ll be returned to your regular underperforming existence, which ia already in progress.
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When Farks Attack!
March 12, 2006 by Richard Quick · 5 Comments
On Wed. March 8, time-wasting site Fark.Com reacted to my seven-word review (”Farking Losers. Fark you, you farking farks.”) and posted a link on their little site. I was assailed by comments by those who are only too willing to waste their employers’ time trying to defend their pathetic egos. Fark.Com should be happy I threw a little web traffic their way, but this is the thanks I get.
From 2Tone: “…God put us on earth to do: Make money.” What do you do with all your “hard-earned cash?” You must be a real tight wad, a hoarder, especially since you host your site here on not on your own domain.Sounds like you’re a very bitter person, even with all the money you claim you have. I know you need love and attention, which those cheap hookers and strippers aren’t giving to you. Come and join us at flds, you will truly be a king with 3 teenage brides. Our compound is in Texas, we are waiting for you…Jeff.
RQ responds: Believe me, Jeff, these hookers and strippers aren’t cheap. You guys at FLDS are doing a great job, especially at the compound in TX. Keep up the good work! However, I’ve seen Mormon women and will have to pass. I appreciate the offer.
From CoffeeKitty79: You must have gotten beat up in school a lot when you were a kid.
RQ responds: I did. Childhood was tough. But the looks on those bullies’ faces, when I had them hunted down and killed, made it all worth it.
More from CoffeeKitty79: at least fark is a little entertaining..this blog is just sad and a little disturbing..i would trade being a billionare for not being a jackass anyday.
RQ responds: A shame, it seems, that you weren’t offered either option. CoffeeKitty79, if you follow the principles in my books, I guarantee you won’t have to buy your clothes on eBay anymore (how ARE those jeans working out?). CoffeeKitty, I’m no animal rights activist but I find your signature beverage rather cruel and distasteful.
From RiTron (fuckengineering.blogspot.com): This is a joke, right?
RQ responds: RiTron: you have, without a doubt, the best blog in the universe. DO NOT change a thing. A single additional post will ruin its fragile perfection. You are a God to me.
From vANS: you fucking rule.
RQ responds: vANS you are a vAN of few words, but when you speak, you speak the truth. Together, we could fucking rule the fucking world. Or at least enslave these dipshits.
From Guyulus: Biggest Timewaster so far from the list…”… Richard Quick’s Time-Wasting Loser Blogs These are blogs I’ve run across that fill feeble minds with anti-success rhetoric. What a disservice they do to young people who should be pursing that which God put us on earth to do: Make money. They are in no way the worst, just a list of the mediocre majority I’ve come across….”Lots of money <>
RQ responds: WTF? Let me go out on a limb, Guyulus, and venture a guess that you don’t get invited to too many parties.
From Charles: Sundae Station is a scam. Go to the site and click on the links. The site was set up by the government.
RQ responds: Yeah, right, Charles. And Soylent Green really IS people! Time to lay off the X-Files reruns, Chuck. Or should I say, your Highness?
From Michael Coward: I’ve figured out that the quickest way to get rich is through philanthropoligist. I figured, you being the expert on getting rich quick, and being rich yourself, that to hit you up for $20,000 or so would be a good start in my get-rich-quick plan. $20,000 is negotiable, I’d gladly take more (or less, money is money). Maybe you’re not really considered a “philanthropoligist”, but your hobby list was looking short, so I figured I could start getting rich now and you could start being a philanthropist now. (Come on, at least a grand for the laugh).– Michael Coward Sans Peur
RQ responds: Good show, Michael! I like your gumption, son. You remind me of another brash young man I once knew… one with the initials RQ. You’re just the kind of ambitious young man who will go very far with my programs. You are a breath of fresh air. I’m in for a grand, and a complimentary copy of “Richard Quick’s Guide to Turning $1000 into $1 Million… Guaranteed!” By the way, what is a Philanthropoligist?
From Tiffany: Thanks for calling out those web sites for what they are. I used to go on Fark all the time because I like funny news stories. However, the comments those people post are pure poison. They hate anyone who has wealth, fame, or success. They can only be summed up as losers. If you hate successful people you can never become one of them. It’s time for people to wake up and realize poverty is NOT a virtue. Sincerely, Tiffany
RQ responds: Tiffany: You have singlehandedly redeemed my faith in Tiffanys worldwide. Despite your parents’ efforts, you have blossomed into an intelligent, insightful, nubile young woman with unlimited potential. You exhibit the qualities of those who can turn a small investment in my wealth-building systems into vast fortunes. I am going to put your name into the consideration list for a Gordon Gekko scholarship to the Richard Quick Millionaire Institute. Please send some photos. See you on the Veranda!
From Matt: saw your blog, I want to be rich too, maybe then I can help others.
RQ responds: I like your attitude. I’ve got a good feeling about you. And my instincts are never wrong. You have drive. talent. Ambition. You are special. You’ve got the success vibe oozing from you like jelly out of the bismarck I stepped on this morning. What a mess! And we’ve got time to work on that “helping others” thing.
From TeevHo (watchingbritney.blogspot.com/): I see that money does not buy class or erase ignorance. What it does seem to do is inflate blowhard windbags with a false sense of self entitlement.
RQ responds: Mr. HO, the good news for you is that money CAN buy pharmaceuticals and counseling. Ask your doctor if Hetracil is right for you. Common side effects include sudden, horrible revelations such as “OMFG! I have a blog called Britney Spears Watch!!!!” The horror…
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